alrzschwartz

What Do You Wish For?

Wherever you choose to begin, please know that the Lord seeks to embrace you with His love – to lower your walls

This piece is the fruit of my July writing seminar, Apologetics for Writer. We were given 8 topics to choose from and worked with our group members to draft, revise, and fine-tune our pieces. Like last year’s poetry experience, this was enlightening and challenging. My chosen topic was: Isn’t prayer just wish fulfillment? Enjoy!

“Oh, how I wish ________.” Close your eyes and fill in the blank. Now blow out your candles, cross your fingers, click your heels three times, send it to the universe, or say a prayer. Each of these actions is the same, right? Aren’t they all equally effective? There is nothing wrong with wishing for some good to be received – to desire or hope for something good. In fact, Jesus asked the mother of James and John (Matthew 20: 21 NAB), “What do you wish?” We often hope for the healing of a loved one, to meet our future spouse, find a new job, receive a raise, or other “big ticket item” in our life to come to fruition.

What sets prayer apart from the act of simply wishing? First and foremost, God. God is not an abstract, cold entity; instead, He is a loving, merciful, and faithful Father who created you – who says, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you”(Jer 1:5). He desires to hear from you, to fulfill your needs, and always be with you. Prayer is how we can come before Him, open our hearts, and share our hopes and dreams. Prayer forges our relationship with God. You might ask, how is prayer different from making a wish?

Prayer takes many forms: praising who God is, thanking Him for all He has done for us, repenting for our failures and seeking God’s forgiveness, interceding on behalf of those we love, and petitioning God for our needs. Our prayer can and should include all these different forms of prayer. When we humbly petition our Creator, we begin the conversation that allows Him to purify our petition and uncover the root of what we seek.

Prayer, however, is more than a formula to get correct to ensure God gives us what we want; more accurately, prayer is the place to experience divine intimacy. In my life, prayer is where my heart beats with the heart of my Father in Heaven. It is a time of silence in which God touches the depths of my soul to reveal my deepest desires—not my wishes—but the core of my human needs—to be known, loved, and cared for. It is an encounter that attunes my heart to His heart and aligns my will to His will.

My time in prayer has deepened my relationship with God and helped me live more fully as a beloved daughter of a loving Father. The Lord has brought healing, peace, and freedom through this relationship. The more time I spend with the Lord in prayer, the more time I long to spend with Him. I know He delights in this desire. Does this mean He has answered every prayer the way I have desired? No. Often, His answers come much later than desired, but they are more beautiful and perfect than expected. During these times of waiting upon the Lord, my trust and reliance on Him deepened.

Perhaps at some point in time, you used to believe in God, but He seemingly let you down in a big way. So you gave up on prayer and God—you closed off your heart. I have experienced the heartache caused by His “No.” Like yours, my heart grows impatient when He gives the answer “Not yet.” This pain and frustration can make us put up walls. Maybe you have never truly encountered the Living God, and your heart is far from His — I’ve been there too. In both cases, such intimacy may seem impossible. Where to begin might be the question weighing on your heart.

One place to start is reading Sacred Scripture, but I realize this might be intimidating. Instead, you may be more comfortable starting with prayers provided by the Church; many comprehensive prayer books are available. I’d recommend you stop at your local Catholic bookstore and ask for their assistance. They will be delighted to help! However, those prayers may not resonate with you now, which is okay! It is important to “just do it!” Consider sending little arrow prayers to the Lord throughout your day: “Lord, I need help!” “What a beautiful sunrise, God. Thank you!” Perhaps you feel called to sit down, light a candle, and speak directly to the Lord.

However you choose to begin meeting the Lord in prayer, please know He is eager to embrace you with His love – to lower your walls. He desires to meet you in prayer. He only requires an invitation, an opening of your heart. Will you invite Him in?

The Great Barriers

We can learn to trust God and others through time and experience, prayer and commitment, and receiving and giving.

My Lord and my God,
take from me
everything that
distances me from You.

My Lord and my God,
give me
everything that
brings me closer to You.

My Lord and my God,
detach me from myself
in order to give my all to You.
St. Nicholas of Flué

My last posting, The Open Hands of a Saint, sparked several meaningful conversations. These discussions touched on detachment, the right ordering of our hearts (i.e., God first, family, etc.), blessings, suffering, and fear. A dear friend sent the following text the morning of the posting, “I did the exercise, and I had a little fear and anxiety after saying the first part. I had to stop and let it go before I could continue. I don’t know why I fear being the person God can make me.” Her words caused me to pause for three reasons. First, I was so excited that she was putting the prayer into practice! Second, I was honored she would reach out to share her struggles. Third, I realized how beautifully she stated her fear. She discovered the work God wanted to do in her heart – to help her become a saint – but she also knew this could require changes in her life. She allows me to share this text because she is confident others have similar fears and that God could use her vulnerability to help others.

The act of asking the Lord to remove what keeps us from Him – from being the person He wants us to be – does stir fear. Our minds might first wonder, “What good will He take away? What friendship, what possession, what pleasure?” We fear the Lord will cause us suffering and pain, leaving us alone, uncared for, and miserable. These fears can be rooted in lies, misconceptions, self-reliance, and woundedness. Our experiences in life cloud the truth of who God is and what God does. God desires us to move past these fears into a relationship with Him filled with love and trust.

“I do it myself,” shouted my son as I tried to help him put on his shoes. How often is this our response to not only God’s help but the help of those who love us? It is almost part of our identity as Americans to be self-sufficient and independent. I recently had foot surgery, requiring others to drive, cook, visit, and take care of me and some of my responsibilities. Every day for the last four weeks, I have found my inner toddler screaming, “I do it myself!” My self-reliance is like a badge of honor that hides the parts of me that fear being a burden and trusting others to care for me. This distrust and fear have their roots in my experiences of abandonment, rejection, and an early childhood burden to take care of myself.

However, God does not intend for you or me to live our lives striving to hide our needs, pretending to have it all under control, and exhausted from trying to do it all. We need one another, and we also need God. He wants to help us. This passage reminds me of God’s care, “Do not fear: I am with you; do not be anxious: I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand” (Isaiah 41:10). The Lord is ready to do His part and care for you. He will strengthen, help, and uphold you. We need to our part by trusting Him and surrendering our worries. We can learn to trust God and others through time and experience, prayer and commitment, and receiving and giving.

Other barriers that may limit our ability to trust God and others are a lack of knowledge, false beliefs, or wounds in our hearts. What misconceptions do you hold about who God is and what He does? In my journey, I discovered I viewed God as harsh, critical, demanding, and distant. The lies and misconceptions we have about God can be a result of inadequate or inaccurate catechesis. Or perhaps others used God, along with guilt and shame, as their “enforcers” to make us comply with their rules. Or even the experience of trauma or abuse at the hands of those in authority can deeply affect our ability to trust. Depending on the depth and cause of these lies, misconceptions, and wounds, we may need the help of a therapist, spiritual director, and close friends to process, learn, and heal. The journey can be complex and lengthy, but the Lord will be with you.

As you journey from fear to trust, try to be curious about the misconceptions, lies, and experiences that affect your relationships with others and God. Be gentle, kind, and patient — try not to judge yourself or those who may have placed these barriers. As I walk towards freedom and healing, I am learning to bring these questions and fears to Jesus. He seems to delight in the opportunity to reveal the heart of the Father to me, speak the truth, and heal my wounds. Our eternal Father in Heaven desires good for us, as we read in James 1:17, “All good giving and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights.” He wants us to have good friends, experiences, and provision. However, He does not want any of these “goods” to be at the top of our list. Is there something or someone other than God at the top of your list? A good question to ask yourself and Jesus is, “Who or what keeps me from daily prayer, Mass, caring for others, living out my vocation, or sharing Christ with others?” These questions and St. Nicholas’ prayer can help us “right-order” our days, lives, and, most importantly, our hearts. Because in the end, the God of Love, who created you, desires that you be with Him, wrapped in His love, forever – to be one of His saints in Heaven.

The Open Hands of a Saint

“All that I have is Yours, Lord.”

As we celebrate All Saints Day, I fondly remember how our kids would research a saint, make a costume, and spend the entire day celebrating and sharing their chosen saint. Such good memories to ponder! Although I won’t be dressing up, I would like to continue the tradition and bring to light St. Nicholas of Flué, the patron saint of Switzerland. He is not well known, but he has been a meaningful part of my spiritual journey.

Nicholas was born into a wealthy family in 1417; he married and had ten children. In his early years, he was a farmer, served in the military, was a magistrate, and was a highly respected councilor. At 50, he left it all behind – including his wife and children – because, in a vision, he heard the Lord calling him to live as a hermit. Surprisingly, his wife agreed to this significant vocation change. However, many others, including his older children, found his decision irresponsible and immoral. Brother Klaus persisted and set up a residence near his hometown. Nicholas survived by eating only the Holy Eucharist for his last 19 years.! All who encountered him respected Nicholas for his holiness and wisdom, which resulted in many people visiting him for advice. He passed away in 1487, surrounded by his wife and children. He has descendants that survive to this day.

I first met St. Nicholas of Flué through his prayer in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (226) regarding “The implications of faith in one God,” an aspect of which is making good use of created things.

My Lord and my God, take from me everything that distances me from You.

My Lord and my God, give me everything that brings me closer to You.

My Lord and my God, detach me from myself in order to give my all to You.
St. Nicholas of Flué

This prayer encourages us to detach ourselves from worldly goods and possessions – to recognize they are all gifts from God, that we should not cling to them, and that we must be good stewards. It is a prayer made with open hands and a disposition that, “All that I have is Yours, Lord.” When I first began this prayer, I focused on worldly possessions and receiving them as gifts. However, as I started working through deeper spiritual and personal matters, I asked the Lord to remove the burdens of suffering, fear, and pain. In return, I wanted peace, joy, and rest. Through this prayer, I quickly learned I was not in control of what Jesus would give and what He was willing to take from me. He challenges me to peacefully surrender and trust in Him.

I invite you to experience this prayer with me. Take a moment to make yourself comfortable. Breathe deeply, drop your shoulders, and place your open hands on your lap (palms up). Imagine Jesus sitting across from you, looking deeply into your eyes.

Now, speak the words of the first line of the prayer.

My Lord and my God, take from me everything that distances me from You.

What does Jesus want to take from you? An unhealthy relationship, a job that is sucking the life out of you? Or is there a burden you are carrying that you need to surrender to Him? What person, material good, or worry is standing in the way of your peace? It can be hard to keep our hands open. Gently resist the grasping, look in His eyes, and trust Him.

Speak the second line of the prayer to the Lord.

My Lord and my God, give me everything that brings me closer to You.

What does Jesus want to give you? A new friend, a new journey, or a new challenge? How does He want to draw you close? What gift of grace will help you abide in Him? Do you need Him to affirm your identity, increase your courage, or provide more opportunities to love like Him? Again, breathe, keep your hands open, and gaze deeply into His eyes.

Finally, speak the last line.

My Lord and my God, detach me from myself in order to give my all to You.

What is holding you back from being the love and light of Christ to others? What pruning might you need? Pride, perfectionism, greed, fear? With one more deep breath, surrender and hand over these obstacles to the Lord.

As for me, the Lord routinely asks me to give Him the judgments I carry about myself and others – to see everyone, myself included – as His beloved child. In return, He gives me the opportunity and grace to experience His love and rest through the kindness of others. Lastly, he encourages me to detach myself from my fear of rejection, my desire for perfectionism, and my hesitancy to use the gifts and talents He has given me. When I detach from all that keeps me from Him, I can bring His love and goodness to others through personal encounters and writing.

Today, this prayer is a powerful way to prepare my heart to receive Jesus in the Holy Eucharist. The prayer lets me surrender to the graces the Lord wants to pour into my heart. It reminds me to seek His will in my wants and desires and not my own.

St. Nicholas achieved a level of detachment and sanctity that, well, is only found in saints! As we make sainthood and heaven our goal, perhaps we can use his prayer to help us along the way.

Happy All Saints Day!

St. Nicholas of Flué, pray for us.

St. Nicholas of Flué. Catholic Online. https://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=4858
St. Nicholas of Flué. EWTN.https://www.ewtn.com/catholicism/saints/nicholas-of-flue-710
St. Nicholas of Flué. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicholas_of_Flüe

Comfort Me

Where is the Lord challenging you to step out, to take a chance? Where is He calling you to greatness?

All who love being comfortable, raise your hand! Did you raise yours? Perhaps you have more questions. Are we focusing on physical comfort? Creature comforts? Emotional comfort? Yes!

A colleague mentioned a book the other day, The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter, and the importance of stepping outside our comfort zone to ensure we keep growing. We are to do this less-than-fun activity not once in a while but every day! This challenge asks, “What are you mentally and spiritually willing to put yourself through to be a better human?” While I have not read this book, the concept stirs my desire for personal and spiritual growth.

For quite some time, the Lord has had me living this challenge, perhaps not every day, but often. I would not say I am yet comfortable being uncomfortable, but I’m less resistant when these “opportunities for growth” come my way. For instance, this summer, I participated in a poetry writing seminar. This workshop was difficult but also a growing experience that sparked a curiosity for this writing style.

If we don’t step out of our comfort zone, how will we know how far we can go? Perhaps this prompted Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger (Pope Benedict XVI) to share these words, “The world promises you comfort, but you were not made for comfort. You were made for greatness.”

Today, the Lord challenges me in a new way – to share my poem that was a product of this seminar. This is far from my typical reflective writing style, and I have work to do to grow as a poet. However, this poem comes from the depths of my heart and time spent with Jesus; thus, it seems fitting that He desires I share it with you.

Where is the Lord challenging you to step out, to take a chance? Where is He calling you to greatness?

My All

It is You, Oh Lord, that I depend upon, trust, and desire.
     For You may my heart be set afire.
Whether lost in the dark or adrift at sea,
     You are the light that burns through my haze.

Let me rest in You, for this I plea!
     In Your heart may I spend my days.
Safe! Oh, safe, you keep me.
     Your gentle voice guides, sets straight my ways.

With a grateful heart and on bended knee,
     my eyes yearn to meet your loving gaze.
As Your love penetrates my soul, tears break free.
     My voice softly offers my song of glorious praise.

Holy, Holy, Holy is Your name!

Lord, I surrender that which You desire.
     My heart, my mind, my soul - set afire.

Linda Schwartz

Live Beautifully

Despite our age and physical characteristics, we have the capacity to let love be our beauty, and God be the source of our love.

Linda Mae is the name my parents chose for me. To be honest, I am not a fan. One reason in particular, I am a generation younger than most of the women with whom I share this name. Who wants to be labeled 20 years older!? My name means “pretty” in Spanish. Unfortunately, that translation has not helped. If you called me pretty, I would quickly point out all of the reasons you are wrong: one eye is squinty, my nose is too big, my neck too long, I could lose 10 pounds, my hair is getting quite gray, etc. So imagine my joy when I read in the Book of Revelation (2:17) that we shall be given new names! St. John says, “I [God] shall also give a white amulet upon which is inscribed a new name.” I received such a rock from a spiritual mentor with my new name. Beautiful. Sigh. How is this better? I could not claim this name, yet in the quiet of my soul, I knew this would be the name He would choose. Therefore, it has become my quest to understand and try to live in the identity granted with my name.

My first step in this journey was to find an appropriate definition of beauty. Since I disagreed with God about my new name, I knew my definition of beauty must be wrong. Merriam-Webster defines beauty as the quality of being physically attractive or the qualities in a person or a thing that give pleasure to the senses or the mind. Television commercials, magazine ads, and social media platforms have defined beauty in ways consistent with our physical attributes for decades. Yes, these ads may define what is physically attractive, but I was sure this was not how God defined beauty.

My next stop was my bookshelves: the Bible, The Catechism of the Catholic Church, and a few other favorite books. In St. Peter’s letter, he states, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (1 Peter 3:3-4) St. Peter tells us that our beauty is more about the state of our spirit – what we offer to those around us. I was getting warmer!

Dr. Peter Kreeft defines beauty as the Cross in his book Catholic Christianity. Whoa! This was startling because Jesus’ body, beaten and dying, nailed to a cross, is anything but beautiful. Kreeft goes on to clarify that the Cross is supremely beautiful because it is the supreme work of love, and love is the supreme beauty. God’s sacrifice for our salvation, done out of love for us, is beautiful.

Sacrificial love (willing the good of the other) is God’s definition of beautiful. We are beautiful when we love like Him and reflect His love to others. As the moon reflects the sun’s light, we are to be like Mary and reflect the light of the Son.

As I began to look for this beauty, I discovered it is everywhere! This beauty happens in life’s everyday moments like patiently tying your toddler’s shoes for the hundredth time today, gently helping your elderly parent in and out of the car for their doctor appointment, generously providing meals or money to care for the homeless, granting forgiveness instead of seeking revenge. The saints revealed this level of beauty because they loved like Jesus. St. Teresa of Calcutta comes to mind. I doubt she would be on the cover of a fashion magazine or described as beautiful. And yet, when I see her smile and the twinkle in her eyes, it is the first word that crosses my lips. Her beauty radiates from the depths of her soul, her God-given dignity, and her life-long commitment to the poorest of the poor. Her love was the source of her beauty, and God was the source of her love.

What obscures our beauty? Our age and perceived physical flaws do not diminish our beauty. Like the moon covered by clouds, our beauty is veiled when we fail to love as God calls us to love. Our beauty is clouded when we are greedy with our time, talent, and treasure, allow anger and hatred to be our leading emotions, or permit pride to blind us to the needs of other people. In short, our God-given beauty is concealed when we sin and don’t love as we should. Physical beauty can remain in the depths of sin, but our true beauty, which is the result of us reflecting the light and love of Christ, can become hidden.

How do we uncover our true beauty? Certainly not in spending hundreds of dollars on wrinkle cream! Instead, we let Him clear the clouds. We allow God to accomplish in us who He created us to be. Created in His likeness and image, created to love like Him. We need to spend time in prayer, letting God look at us and share where we can do better. Read His Sacred Word to provide direction on how to joyfully live a life of sacrificial love. We should bring our sin – our clouds – to the Sacrament of Reconciliation to allow Him to pour His grace into our flaws so we can begin again. When receiving Him in the Holy Eucharist we can humbly ask Jesus to help us strive for growth in the virtues of patience, generosity, forgiveness, and kindness.

Now, can you claim that you are beautiful? Like me, you might still be saying, “The clouds are pretty thick. I am not beautiful.” Take a moment and honestly look at your life; when in your day do you have these moments of reflecting God’s love, of being beautiful? Although we do not perfectly reflect Him and His love, we can and should claim our beauty. Because despite our age and physical characteristics, we have the capacity to let love be our beauty, and God be the source of our love. Are you willing to join me in the journey to live beautifully?

God’s Treasure

If you find yourself in the same trap, rest in His word with me, “I have called you by name; you are mine.”

Have you noticed the way sunlight dances on water? It makes me think of diamonds and their value to our world. Diamonds are the birthstone for those born in April. They dazzle the crowns of royalty and are generally a part of a woman’s wedding ring. A grading criterion, based on cut, clarity, color, and carat weight – the 4 C’s – determines the value of each diamond. They, indeed, are precious stones.

The New Oxford Dictionary defines precious (adj.) as an object, substance, or resource of great value, not to be wasted or treated carelessly. As a noun, precious is a term of address for a beloved person. I began to wonder who and what God finds precious. First, He sees all of creation as precious – He made it! Therefore all that he has created should not be wasted or treated carelessly. Who does God call beloved? Me. You. All of humanity is precious to God. He finds us so lovely that he has his own C’s for us!

Created. In Genesis 1:27, we read, “God created mankind in his image.” Later, in verse 31, “God looked at everything he had made and found it very good.” Thus, we are good! And yet, there is more! In 1 John 4:8, we find, “…God is love.” Since God IS love, all He does is out of love. Therefore, regardless of the circumstances of our conception, childhood, or adulthood, we are good, and we are loved. However, our life experiences can leave us wounded – feeling unloveable or unworthy. The Lord boldly states our worth in John 3:16, and by placing my name in this scripture passage, He heals my wounds. “For God so loved Linda that he gave his only Son, so that she, who believes in him, might not perish but might have eternal life.” Take a few moments, close your eyes, replace my name with yours, and let the Lord speak His truth and love to your heart. We are beloved, thus precious.

Chosen. “But now, thus says the LORD, who created you…I have called you by name: you are mine.” (Isaiah 31: 1-3). God not only creates us, but He chooses us! Though Israel was a tiny nation, God chose them and entered a covenant with them. When God sent his only Son, he chose all of us to be His – a new covenant. Through baptism, God claims us – we become His adopted sons and daughters. Our Heavenly Father says, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well please” (Matthew 3:17) over us, just as He did on the day of Christ’s baptism. Honestly, I struggle with this truth. Often, I fall into the trap of thinking I need to earn my place in God’s family as a beloved daughter by doing and being perfect—a fear I am not enough to belong to the Lord. If you find yourself in the same trap, rest in His word with me, “I have called you by name; you are mine.” We are His beloved sons and daughters, His precious.

Called. Those that God chooses, He also calls. Jesus calls his beloved, his precious ones, to be near Him. Our calling is to walk with Him through life and conform our hearts, minds, and lives to His – to be Christ-like. Sometimes He calls, and it is easy to say, “Yes, Lord!” We quickly drop our nets like Peter, Andrew, James, and John (Matthew 4:18-22). We willingly leave behind that sin, a job, or a habit that gets in the way of living abundantly. However, sometimes those sacrifices He asks us to make may seem too much. Like the rich young man (Mark 10:17-31), we cannot give what he asks and walk away. However, the nets Jesus asks us to drop will allow us to love God, ourselves, and others more freely. In my life, the Lord has asked me to put some healthy boundaries in place with those “nets” I like to use to distract myself: tv, social media, alcohol, food, etc. By saying “no” to these hindrances, I can be more present and loving to Him, myself, and those who are precious to me. He is calling. Are you ready to drop your nets and follow Him?

Commissioned. Before Jesus’ ascension into Heaven, He commissioned the disciples. He charged them with carrying out His mission: proclaim the Good News, baptize all the nations, teach them all He commanded, drive out demons, forgive their sins, and heal the sick (Mark 16:15-18, Matthew 28:19, and John 20:23). Jesus did not leave them to accomplish this on their own, He provided the power of the Holy Spirit and promised to be with them. We, too, are His disciples; therefore, Christ sends us to bring His message of truth and love to others. To remind them they are precious. Who needs to receive His Good News? We need not look far outside our family or friend circle to see who needs the love of Jesus. Pause right now; who is the first person that comes to mind that could use Jesus’ healing love and mercy?

In my personal experiences sharing the love of Christ with others is a joy but somewhat intimidating. It requires a lot of vulnerability, so it is crucial to remember we are the sons and daughters of the Eternal King entrusted with His mission. Also, like His first disciples, Jesus is with us, and the Holy Spirit has gifted us! What are your unique gifts that are to be used to share Christ with others? Maybe you love hosting others in your home, you are quick to share an encouraging word, or you love to care for the homeless – whatever your gifts, you are not to waste or treat them carelessly – they are precious!

In response to God’s C’s for us, He asks for three in return.

Claim.

Remember who you are!

Claim your identity as God’s created and beloved sons and daughters.

Choose.

Strive to be Christ-like.

Answer His call, drop your nets, and choose to follow Him.

Commit.

Go on His mission!

Commit to using your gifts and talents to bring Christ’s healing love to others.

You are God’s pearl (diamond) of great price, His treasure in the field (Matthew 18:10-14). You are created, chosen, called, and commissioned by God. You are precious.

The Gaze of Love

I want others to hear from my eyes, “I see you, you are loved, and I accept you.”

“If looks could kill!” We have all heard this idiom, maybe we have used ourselves in conversation, and perhaps we have even been on the receiving end of such a look. I am acquainted with the message this phrase communicates – anger! It is one of those looks that require no words for there to be a mutual understanding – message received – loud and clear.

How have others looked upon you? It is surprising how many words a simple facial expression can communicate. How the flash of one’s eyes can “say it all.” Perhaps your first thoughts jump to a time when you received the gift of a loving, joyful, or compassionate glance, and your heart sings a song of being accepted and cherished. Or maybe you have a clear memory of being looked upon with anger, judgment, or contempt, and you can easily recall the defensiveness this stirred inside your heart. The variety of “looks” we can receive in a day is endless: lust, suspicion, impatience, fear, excitement, indifference, etc. If we encounter these looks too often, they can begin to define how we think others and the world see us. “I am a disappointment.” “I am rejected.” “I am loved.” “I am accepted.”

So, this begs the question, how do we look at others? What do my eyes and facial expressions reveal about how I am thinking, feeling, or experiencing the people around me? It would seem that human beings have struggled with their faces sharing their thoughts for quite some time. We can find references regarding the concept of our eyes revealing our thoughts in the Books of the Bible. Proverbs 30:17 states, “The eye that mocks a father, or scorns the homage due a mother, will be plucked out by brook ravens; devoured by a brood of vultures.” Later, in Matthew 6:22-23, Jesus reiterates, “The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness. And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be.” I have not escaped this human struggle as my face reads like an open book to my thoughts and emotions! I am grateful for this trait when I effectively communicate my joy, compassion, love, and empathy, but I am less pleased when judgment or criticism flashes across my face. My initial solution? I need a better poker face! Unfortunately, this does not solve the deeper issue. The issue? My facial expressions and eyes are disclosing to others the size of my heart – my ability to love. Therefore, I need my heart expanded and filled with love. Then, that abundance of love will be visible on my face and through my eyes. I want others to hear from my eyes, “I see you, you are loved, and I accept you.”

We can only give what we have received. So from whom do we receive this “heart-expanding love?” We can only receive this love from God because “God is love” (1 John 4:16).

But, how does Love (God) gaze upon us? Do you think He looks on us with contempt, disappointment, or judgment? The Gospels provide us with the answer to this question. For instance, in the Gospel of Matthew (14:14), we receive a glimpse into how God looks upon us, “When he [Jesus] disembarked and saw the vast crowd, his heart was moved with pity for them, and he cured their sick.” Pity can sound like a negative term, so to clarify, a few synonyms for the word pity are understanding, mercy, and compassion. Therefore, the Son of God, Jesus, looked at the crowd – with compassion, love, mercy, and understanding. His eyes reveal His acceptance and love for us. We are His beloved and chosen daughters and sons – we belong to Him.

When we know we are loved and belong – our hearts can open and expand to receive His love. Then, when our hearts are full of His love, we can begin to love others the same way. We can see the uniqueness and beauty of each person. We recognize their gifts and talents, as well as their shortcomings and faults, and we embrace them – we love them. We know they are just as precious and treasured as we are to the Father.

When time permits, join me in closing your eyes. Be still. Lower your shoulders, take a deep breath, and as you slowly exhale; allow the Holy Spirit to bring you into the presence of your Heavenly Father. Once there, let Him look at you, let Him love you. Take your time. Allow Him to remind you who you are to Him. How does He see you? Does He speak to your heart in a way only your Creator could? Can you let Him fill your heart with a love you cannot wait to share with the world?

We should return to His loving gaze often. When we do, He will continue to expand our hearts and drive out judgment, pride, lust, and other painful ways we look upon one another. Our Father will fill that space with compassion, peace, joy, understanding, patience, and love. Then we won’t need a better poker face – for we will be reflecting the gaze, the love of God.

The Rules of the Boat

As usual, I find His rules are simple to remember but a bit more challenging to put into practice.

Off – that is the best word I have to describe how I had been feeling. For several weeks, I felt like something was off deep within me. My symptoms included feeling anxious, edgy, tired, and was easily distracted during prayer. Since I was at a loss and unsettled, I asked Jesus to help me figure out what was wrong, and that is when He whispered to my heart, “You got out of My boat.” I grew up landlocked on an Iowa farm, and I have an unfortunate predisposition for motion sickness, so boats do not make the list of my favorite things! Therefore, Jesus making this statement was a bit surprising. However, He was right, I had abandoned the safety and security of His presence, and I was struggling. I do not think I made a conscious decision to get out of His boat, but during those weeks, I had failed to follow the rules of being His passenger. As usual, I find His rules are simple to remember but a bit more challenging to put into practice.

Rule #1: Leave your luggage on the shore.

Jesus’s boat is not a small one, there is room for us all, but there is no room in His boat for our luggage. To step into His boat requires a surrender of the baggage that we carry around – past regrets, shame, unforgiveness, worry, fear, and other burdens that weigh us down. He wants us to leave them on the shore and pick up His love, mercy, understanding, and healing. This type of surrender I am suggesting is not the kind that says these burdens do not matter, but the sort of surrender that says, “I trust in You, God; I am willing to rely on you to care for me, heal me, and provide for those I love.”

Throughout the Old Testament, God implores His people to let go of the past. The prophet Isaiah (43:18-19) writes, “Remember not the events of the past, the things of long ago consider not; See, I am doing something new!” We cannot change anything from our pasts; however, we can learn from these experiences and allow God to do something new in us. But, if we are clutching onto our past mistakes or allowing shame from these situations to define us, this renewal will be tougher to accomplish. We have to be willing to trust in His forgiveness and mercy and let go of these burdens.

Another piece of luggage we can carry is worrying about the future. Gently and directly, Jesus deals with these as well. In the Gospel of Luke (12:25), He says, “Can any of you by worrying add a moment to your life-span? If even the smallest things are beyond your control, why are you anxious about the rest?” And in the Gospel of Matthew (6:34), He says, “Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.” I can quickly fall into the false thinking that I am in control, and I like to borrow worries. Do you struggle with these as well? Again, Jesus calls us to surrender and keep our hearts and minds on the present – where we can make the most difference.

Jesus willingly and lovingly wants to take these heavy burdens from you. Are you ready to surrender them? In return, He longs to give you His gifts of mercy and love. Do you want to make the switch?

Rule #2: Keep your eyes on Jesus.

This rule makes complete sense to those of us who get motion sick. We often hear it phrased as, “Keep your eyes on the horizon.” Similarly, we read in the Letter to the Hebrews (12:1-2), “…let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus.” If we want to run the race well (a.k.a. live well), we must keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. We cannot be looking around, allowing distractions to steal our joy, peace, and rest. It is like looking back at the shore where you left your luggage or focusing on the storms off in the distance. What is pulling your eyes from Jesus? Is it job insecurity, health issues, or relationship struggles? These are the times we need to keep ourselves focused on Jesus, on His love for us. We can only do this by meeting Him in prayer and moments of silence throughout the day. In those challenging moments, it can be so hard to pause and shift our gaze back to Him, but it is in the pause that we regain our joy, peace, and rest. It is where we find Him.

Rule #3: Hands and feet stay inside the boat – at all times.

In short, “Be still and know that I am God.” Sometimes we need to sit down, rest, and let God be God. We need to let Him do the talking, the healing, and the handling of the situation. Sometimes we need to remember that He is God, and we are not. So often, we find ourselves caught up in a battle, and what we need to do is trust that “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still(Exodus 14:4).” I can get busy searching for the right article, the right book, the right advice, and all I accomplish is being exhausted from running. When I take a moment to breathe, He reminds me that I have everything I need. I have Him.

I have viewed Jesus’s statement, “You got out of My boat,” as an invitation to get back in Hi boat and set my heart right. I am grateful for His directness and His patience as I relearn His rules. It has not been easy, and I have more work to do, but the reward has been worth the effort. When the worries stir, or I want to rehash the past, I take a moment to close my eyes and imagine the shore. There Jesus is, waiting in the boat, motioning for me to get in with Him. And in a breath, I drop my luggage, settle into my seat, focus on His eyes, and we push off from shore. Give it a try. There is room in the boat for you, too.

It Begins at Home

God takes our little acts of love and magnifies them, using them beyond our understanding; to change the world.

I had a great dad. He has been gone almost eleven years, but he continues to be a powerful influence in my life. He was a kind man, whose eyes had a little twinkle in them when he smiled. He loved to learn, and he pursued this desire through reading, watching specials on Iowa Public Television, and listening to his kids talk about their studies. In his later years, he gave so much time to family and we are better people for experiencing his love. He certainly helped cultivate my love of learning, my willingness to listen to others, and my desire to be present to my family. He wanted me to be all I was capable of becoming. Motivational speaker, Jim Rohn, said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” My dad certainly has been an influential member of my “five.” These words started me thinking about others who have been in my top five and those who fill that list today. How much influence do they have in my life and who should be on the list?

Our five people do influence the various aspects of our lives. I started exercising, trying new foods, and reading new authors because of the people I spend my time with. These are all positive examples of influence. However, there have been times when I let my “five” lead me into some poor choices. Therefore, we must carefully select these five people. But what are we looking for in the people we put on this list? Matthew Kelly speaks of this importance in his book, Resisting Happiness. He states, “Our best friends are those people who encourage and challenge us to become the-best-version-of-ourselves.” Perhaps taking the time to look at who we allow to influence us and guide our decisions is worth the effort.

Who are the five people with which you spend your time? Go ahead, make a list. Perhaps your list includes your parents, teachers, friends, significant others, or a boss. Over the years, these five people can be of a different mix. For instance, as teenagers, those five people are usually friends. As adults, we may wisely reintroduce our parents to the list, add a boss, a professor, or a spouse. Unfortunately, I think various social media outlets, news agencies, and “influencers” have begun to make their way onto the list of five “people” we spend time with and allow to sway us. It is worth an honest assessment when making your list to include all those you spend time with, both physically and digitally. How do these individuals influence you? Are they helping you become your best self, or are they causing you to fall into some bad habits?

As I reminisced about various individuals who have been my “five” I realized one person, in particular, was missing for a long time – God. For many years, I neglected my spiritual life by leaving Him out of the mix. I tried to fit others into that role, which left me feeling disappointed when they let me down or led me astray. I discovered there is another dad, my Heavenly Father, who wants me to become the-best-version-of-myself. Out of love, God created us in His image and likeness. God is love; therefore, we are to love Him and others He places in our lives. He calls us to become the sons and daughters He created us to be – to become more loving and thus the-best-version-of-ourselves. We can only achieve this if we let Him be the top placeholder on our list. How do we let Him be our primary influence?

We must spend time with Him. How much time do we spend with God in prayer? Less time than we spend with our friends at the gym? At least as much time as we spend out for dinner with work associates? How about social media? Are we scrolling Facebook or Instagram with more frequency than we are reading Sacred Scripture? Are we giving God time in prayer to speak, or do we do all the talking? Often I find myself doing all of the talking and not waiting in silence to hear His response to my fears, petitions, and concerns. I also can catch myself hearing the voice of God in Scripture, but am I listening? By not listening, I am missing the change He is asking me to make to become the daughter He created me to be.

Why is it so important that we become the-best-versions-of-ourselves, the person that God created us to be? First, we do it for our own growth and development. Second, we strive to be more loving because we are assuredly on the “list of five” for others in our lives. Let that sink in. Who are you influencing? Perhaps your children, spouse, a friend, a student, a coworker, a boss, or someone yet to come. These people deserve us to be our best. Who in your life needs you to be your best self?

“If you want to change the world,
go home and love your family.”
St. Teresa of Calcutta

As a wife and mother, my family needs me to be my very best. To be healthy physically, mentally, and spiritually so I can love them, accept them, and nurture them. Why is this so important? Because they are also influencing the choices of others. They are in the top five for someone else, and those people deserve a person who is becoming their best self. It starts to get a little overwhelming when we realize how far our influence can be in this world. Perhaps that is what prompted St. Teresa of Calcutta (Mother Teresa) to say, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” At times I can feel like I do not make a difference, that I offer too little in what the world deems worthy. However, in living my vocation – loving my family and those in my “five” – the potential positive influence is incomprehensible. God takes our little acts of love and magnifies them, using them beyond our understanding; to change the world.

Do you need to do some reshuffling of your day to ensure you are taking the time to be with your Heavenly Father, the One who desires the best for you? Do you need to rethink your “five” and make room for God to influence you?

Lay Down Your Yoke

I do not need to lower the bar, but I need to lay down the burdensome yoke of judgment and criticism.

Perfection. Oh, what a delightful word and concept. Since I can remember, I have craved perfection. Whether a grade school spelling test with a 100% scrawled across the top, a college term paper peppered with glowing remarks, spotless inspections at work, a well-crafted blog, or a meticulously created dessert, I love perfection.

This past year, while studying the four temperaments, I discovered I’m melancholic. Thus, I am hardwired to be detail-oriented, orderly, and diligent. Additionally, my pursuit of the ideal in truth, beauty, and justice is a part of who I am. When first discovering these traits, my thought was, “Yes! See, perfection is good!” However, upon reading a little further, I recognized the pitfalls of perfectionism: judgment, criticism, and discouragement.

My desire for perfection can lead me to set the bar so high that few have a chance to reach it, including me, leading to judgment and discouragement. Another pitfall of my need to be perfect? Anxiety. A small part of me thinks the achievement of perfection is worth the stress, sweaty palms, and sleepless nights. In reality, this expectation of being perfect is a burden, and that it is not what Jesus wants for me. Do you carry a habit or character trait that is becoming a burden? For me, as usual, Jesus provides the help needed to lighten the load.

Recently, the Parable of the Sower was the Gospel reading at Mass. I have read this passage many times but have never heard the words spoken by Christ correctly until that day. In the parable, Jesus describes four places where the sower drops seed: the path, rocky ground, the thorns, and good soil. Jesus explains that the seed is the Word of God (Jesus) and how it lives and grows in the various places (our hearts). I have always identified myself as a thorny place because I do not follow Jesus perfectly; I give in to anxiety and fail to produce mature fruit. Luke 8:15 tells of those who are rich soil, “But as for the seed that fell on rich soil, they are the ones who, when they have heard the word, embrace it with a generous and good heart, and bear fruit through perseverance.” There it is…perfection. Wait. What? Jesus says perseverance, not perfection. How many times have I read this and misunderstood Jesus?

Unlike feelings of being burdened, the concept of perseverance stirs a sense of freedom. Freedom to make mistakes, to be me, and to let go of the weight of perfectionism. One image that comes to my mind that shows perseverance is that of Christ falling three times on his journey to the Cross. He gets up each time and keeps going to His death. In these moments, Jesus teaches us to get back up, how to accept help, and to try again. What image or emotion does perseverance stir for you? When is a time you have carried on or kept trying until you found success? In all situations, God provides us the help we need to persist. He will always assist us as we strive to grow closer to Him. How exactly does God provide for us in our faith journey?

Through the Holy Spirit, God provides for us the gift of His grace. He is generous beyond measure. Not sure what to ask for when it comes to grace? Humbly ask for what you need. For example, you may ask God for a love that can forgive someone who hurt you or the kindness to love your neighbor more like yourself. Maybe you need the humility to let go of your judgment of others or the generosity to give more freely to those in need. Perhaps you require the mercy to be a bit more gentle with yourself when you stumble. Where do we seek this grace? In prayer, when receiving Jesus at Holy Communion, and when you meet Him in the confessional. Do you have a relationship in your life that could use a bit more of God’s love, an infusion of His life? Go ahead, ask Him.

Finally, on every leg of my journey, I have never walked alone. God provides through others. The Saints and Mary demonstrated perseverance and trusted the Lord to provide for them. Therefore, we can look to them for guidance and strength. Do you have a special friend in Heaven that intercedes for you? He also gifts us faithful friends on earth who see us clearly through the lens of love and encourage us to stay the course. However, the most dramatic way He provides for us is by being with us. In Matthew 28:20, He promises, “And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.” He is always with us. Not just when we are perfect, but even when we mess up, miss the mark, or do not reach the bar – always.

Honestly, I may always wrestle with my innate desire for perfection and Jesus’s call to persevere. I think there is some goodness in seeking perfection, especially when we desire to love one another as Christ loves us. A noble goal worth pursuing, but one in which I know I will fail at time and time again. My challenge is when I fall short of loving like Christ, I need to choose to persevere and not give in to discouragement. To continue on this journey, I need to seek His grace and support from my companions. I do not need to lower the bar, but I need to lay down the burdensome yoke of judgment and criticism. Instead, I need to live wholeheartedly by recognizing we are all doing our best and let Jesus help me carry the yoke of perseverance and love. I have no idea how long, or rocky, or beautiful this journey will be, but I do know that God will provide all I need to reach the end. When I come to the finish line, I pray my words will echo St Paul’s to Timothy in 2 Tim 4:7, “I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith.” What yoke can you lay down today so you can run the race?