Accompaniment. A word that is not only a mouth full to say, but quite challenging to define. In my attempt to capture what it means to accompany another, I’ve been journeying backward through my life’s experiences to identify my first memory of someone accompanying me. Strangely, it was 23 years ago, exactly half my lifetime. My best friend since kindergarten died unexpectedly, and my dad attended her funeral with me. I will never forget the moment he reached over to hold my hand during Mass and how he physically supported me during her graveside service. Looking back, he too was hurting over her death, but found the strength to be vulnerable, to step out of his comfort zone, and to accompany me. Those moments changed our relationship. We had always been close, but on that day, his willingness to share a silent and profound expression of love brought us closer. It allowed us to be more willing to say I love you and share a hug.
As with my dad, many times, we are called to accompany as a result of our vocation. On my wedding day, I vowed to be my husband’s companion in good times and in bad, and in sickness and health. On that day, I’m not sure I completely understood how living those vows would look, but today it is much clearer. Together, we have celebrated the birth of our boys, struggled through those early years of parenting, and grieved the loss of parents and friends. Currently, we are surviving teenagers, navigating the journey to becoming empty nesters, and learning at every turn what it means to accompany one another. As a mother, I am a companion to our sons. Guiding, teaching, correcting, and loving them. As they mature, I am learning that they are on their path, and I am only there to provide light and love. I can’t protect them from the pain of disappointment, the academic struggles, or the hurt of broken relationships; because if I do, they won’t experience the joy of seeing how their hard work pays off, the excitement of meeting new friends, and the lessons learned from their mistakes. As a wife and mother, I’m in it for the long haul, a lifetime of accompaniment.
Others choose professions that allow them to spend their lifetime accompanying others, but for shorter periods. Nurses, teachers, and therapists come to mind as people who come in and out of our life, but walk with us when we are most in need. I smile as I think of the dedicated teachers that have touched the lives of our boys. These men and women didn’t just teach them to read, write, and master long division; they dried tears, bandaged knees, listened to their stories, helped us teach them to pray, and so much more. They stood alongside each of them for one year and then let them go so they could grow.
Regardless of our vocation or occupation, we are all given opportunities to accompany others and to allow others to journey with us. God never intended us to walk this earth alone. When Jesus sent his disciples out into the world to preach the good news, “He summoned the Twelve and began to send them out two by two…” (Mark 6:7). We are to be in relationships with one another and with Him. My companions include a devoted spouse, six supportive siblings and their families, and a beautiful bouquet of friends that have loved me through my life’s journey. The hard part for me is to set aside my pride and accept their help and love. To let them help carry the burdens and celebrate the joyful moments. It is also important to remember that God not only gives us one another but promises that He will always be with us, “And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20). He also provides us with the Holy Spirit, “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate to be with you always, the Spirit of truth…” (John 14:16-17). By cultivating our relationship with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, we never walk alone. Who has God put in your life to walk with you? Have you let a streak of independence prevent those who love you to provide support? Has your pride prevented you from seeking God’s companionship?
So, the question remains, what is accompaniment? In my heart, it is the conscious choice to walk with others in love. To weather the storm or stand in the fire. To offer words of encouragement, to sit in silence and listen, to hold the space while they shed their tears of joy, sadness, or fear. Rarely do we need anyone to solve our problems or take our journey for us, but we desperately need to know we are not alone. At times, it is hard to find the patience, love, and strength to accompany those we love during the difficult times of their lives. Where do we find these virtues? Take a few moments to close your eyes and stand at the foot of the Cross with Mary Magdelene. Reflect on how she journeyed with Christ during his ministry. Recall how she stood by him through His passion and death. Recognize the depth of their friendship. She found her strength, her patience, and her love in Jesus, and so can we. He is the source of these gifts. Whether the walk is long and arduous or short and fun, let God and others accompany you. Let them share Christ’s love, patience, and strength with you. Who will you let accompany you? Who needs you to walk with them in love?