Perfection. Oh, what a delightful word and concept. Since I can remember, I have craved perfection. Whether a grade school spelling test with a 100% scrawled across the top, a college term paper peppered with glowing remarks, spotless inspections at work, a well-crafted blog, or a meticulously created dessert, I love perfection.
This past year, while studying the four temperaments, I discovered I’m melancholic. Thus, I am hardwired to be detail-oriented, orderly, and diligent. Additionally, my pursuit of the ideal in truth, beauty, and justice is a part of who I am. When first discovering these traits, my thought was, “Yes! See, perfection is good!” However, upon reading a little further, I recognized the pitfalls of perfectionism: judgment, criticism, and discouragement.
My desire for perfection can lead me to set the bar so high that few have a chance to reach it, including me, leading to judgment and discouragement. Another pitfall of my need to be perfect? Anxiety. A small part of me thinks the achievement of perfection is worth the stress, sweaty palms, and sleepless nights. In reality, this expectation of being perfect is a burden, and that it is not what Jesus wants for me. Do you carry a habit or character trait that is becoming a burden? For me, as usual, Jesus provides the help needed to lighten the load.
Recently, the Parable of the Sower was the Gospel reading at Mass. I have read this passage many times but have never heard the words spoken by Christ correctly until that day. In the parable, Jesus describes four places where the sower drops seed: the path, rocky ground, the thorns, and good soil. Jesus explains that the seed is the Word of God (Jesus) and how it lives and grows in the various places (our hearts). I have always identified myself as a thorny place because I do not follow Jesus perfectly; I give in to anxiety and fail to produce mature fruit. Luke 8:15 tells of those who are rich soil, “But as for the seed that fell on rich soil, they are the ones who, when they have heard the word, embrace it with a generous and good heart, and bear fruit through perseverance.” There it is…perfection. Wait. What? Jesus says perseverance, not perfection. How many times have I read this and misunderstood Jesus?
Unlike feelings of being burdened, the concept of perseverance stirs a sense of freedom. Freedom to make mistakes, to be me, and to let go of the weight of perfectionism. One image that comes to my mind that shows perseverance is that of Christ falling three times on his journey to the Cross. He gets up each time and keeps going to His death. In these moments, Jesus teaches us to get back up, how to accept help, and to try again. What image or emotion does perseverance stir for you? When is a time you have carried on or kept trying until you found success? In all situations, God provides us the help we need to persist. He will always assist us as we strive to grow closer to Him. How exactly does God provide for us in our faith journey?
Through the Holy Spirit, God provides for us the gift of His grace. He is generous beyond measure. Not sure what to ask for when it comes to grace? Humbly ask for what you need. For example, you may ask God for a love that can forgive someone who hurt you or the kindness to love your neighbor more like yourself. Maybe you need the humility to let go of your judgment of others or the generosity to give more freely to those in need. Perhaps you require the mercy to be a bit more gentle with yourself when you stumble. Where do we seek this grace? In prayer, when receiving Jesus at Holy Communion, and when you meet Him in the confessional. Do you have a relationship in your life that could use a bit more of God’s love, an infusion of His life? Go ahead, ask Him.
Finally, on every leg of my journey, I have never walked alone. God provides through others. The Saints and Mary demonstrated perseverance and trusted the Lord to provide for them. Therefore, we can look to them for guidance and strength. Do you have a special friend in Heaven that intercedes for you? He also gifts us faithful friends on earth who see us clearly through the lens of love and encourage us to stay the course. However, the most dramatic way He provides for us is by being with us. In Matthew 28:20, He promises, “And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.” He is always with us. Not just when we are perfect, but even when we mess up, miss the mark, or do not reach the bar – always.
Honestly, I may always wrestle with my innate desire for perfection and Jesus’s call to persevere. I think there is some goodness in seeking perfection, especially when we desire to love one another as Christ loves us. A noble goal worth pursuing, but one in which I know I will fail at time and time again. My challenge is when I fall short of loving like Christ, I need to choose to persevere and not give in to discouragement. To continue on this journey, I need to seek His grace and support from my companions. I do not need to lower the bar, but I need to lay down the burdensome yoke of judgment and criticism. Instead, I need to live wholeheartedly by recognizing we are all doing our best and let Jesus help me carry the yoke of perseverance and love. I have no idea how long, or rocky, or beautiful this journey will be, but I do know that God will provide all I need to reach the end. When I come to the finish line, I pray my words will echo St Paul’s to Timothy in 2 Tim 4:7, “I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith.” What yoke can you lay down today so you can run the race?