Pockets, Perspective, and Presents

Childhood memories. According to psychologists, most of us begin to form long-term memories around age five or six. Perhaps this is a gift that keeps us from remembering all of our mishaps, blunders, and struggles as infants and toddlers. However, I come from a large family that is a bit spread out in age. My siblings are between 10 and 15 years older than me, and therefore they remember my early childhood with great clarity! Both a blessing and a curse. One story they love to share is that of my red sweatshirt. According to them, I loved this plain, red sweatshirt. I delighted in having it zipped up, the hood on, and my hands in the pockets. For reasons that escape my middle-aged brain, I thought running with my hands in my pockets was a good idea. Do you see where this is going? Inevitably my awkward, uncoordinated body would end up tumbling to the ground, and because my hands were in my pockets, they were not available to brace my fall. Ouch! As I reflect on my adulthood, I realize I continued to live my life with my hands in my pockets, with nothing to catch me when I fell. 

I lived each day as if it all depended on me. My successes and failures were because of my study skills, my efforts, my parenting skills. So, when I failed, it was all my fault. Even when there was a victory, I only focused on what I could have done better. At times I could quickly pop up, rework the action plan, and try again. More often, the scrapes and bruises were deeper; and it seemed better to abandon the goal and change course. Each time I left behind a dream or goal, the feelings of personal failure and unworthiness mounted. My head received the “not enough” messages loud and clear and boldly announced them each time I considered trying again. I was living in a false state – thinking I was in control. I was running around with my hands in my pockets, not openly receiving the love, guidance, and strength that Christ was offering me. Honestly, I was oblivious to the gifts He was offering. I had no idea what I was missing out on by rejecting Jesus’s love. I had become self-reliant, frustrated, and anxious, and yet I was unable to change course. Then one day, I admitted to a friend I could no longer live this way. That is all Jesus needed, a small crack in my armor to enter into my heart.

What’s changed? I still work hard, study hard, and live my vocation to its fullest, but now I know to align my efforts with God’s plan.  I seek His will through prayer and silence, and then I try to surrender and let go of my plan. It requires I trust Him to provide. At times, this act of surrender and trust can be a struggle for me. Will He provide what I need? A glance back at my journey answers that question with a resounding YES! In my times of need, He supplied the friend, the nurse, the teacher, the patience, the strength, or the grace I needed to get through the valley. Join m and take the time to count the ways God has provided for you. Go ahead, write them down, then give Him your praise and gratitude. 

Are there times I still do not understand what He is asking of me, taking too long to answer my prayers, or seemingly leaving them unanswered? Absolutely! These times are difficult and can cause me to doubt His love for me. However, if I take a quick inventory of all the times I have questioned His wisdom, I realize the blessings poured forth from those challenges and trials. Perhaps a better way to look at these situations is – prayers answered by a Father who knows best. Can you see God’s wisdom in circumstances where you once only saw chaos? What “unanswered” prayers can you now move to the “God knew best” column?

Often, we are told not to look back, only to move forward. However, taking these glances back to remember and acknowledge the good that God works in our lives can help us move forward with confidence that He will continue to be a loving Father in the future. For example, what about those times I have tripped or fallen? Yup, Christ has been there to catch me, to give me His unconditional love, and to grant me a moment of mercy. One more time, make a list. When did He reach down and help you brush the dirt off your knees and hands and encourage you to begin again?

You see, what is changing is me. I can more clearly see that Jesus has always been there for me and always will be. I am aware that I am not alone or in control. For the first time, I am receiving Him and His love.

God has an unlimited supply of love and gifts to bestow upon each of us. He desires to provide for us, His beloved sons and daughters. However, we cannot receive these gifts if we have our hands in our pockets, our hearts closed, or are tightly gripping to the illusion of control. As you sit down this morning to spend time in prayer, rest your hands on your lap, open, facing Heavenward. Imagine today is your birthday, and your Heavenly Father is eagerly waiting to give you His gift. See the anticipation and love on His face as He lays it into your open palms. It is the perfect gift, just what your heart truly longs to receive. As you fumble to find the words of gratitude for this perfect gift, might I recommend you gently say, “I love you too, Dad.”