Category: Encouragement

Beauty from the Mess

When I give God my mess, He provides the opportunity for me to heal, to grow, and to love deeper.

Spiders, snakes, and mice – just a few of the creatures I cannot figure out why God placed them on earth. They are all sneaky, some are dangerous, and some prefer to take up residence in my home; this is where I draw the line. Despite my dislike, one beautiful July morning, my heart was captivated by the display of tiny spider webs. There were hundreds of them, made by hundreds of baby spiders practicing their craft. Each silk creation was resting atop the blades of the freshly cut grass. Each one kissed, ever so gently, by the morning dew. Every one of them unique. Upon closer inspection, I noticed some of these young web spinners seemed to be professionals at lacing together an organized, symmetrical, and deadly web. Then, not 6 inches from this beautiful masterpiece, there lies what appears to be a ball of silk. I envision that little one working feverishly to create a web of equal beauty, but for some reason, his efforts result in a giant mess. If I were this young weaver, I would feel frustrated, discouraged, and angry. I would be ready to quit. 

How many times in our lives do we meticulously develop a plan and gracefully execute our said plan only to have it result in a giant mess? How disheartened we can feel when we expect a beautiful web and our best efforts result in a ball of webbing. Regardless of age, we all have experienced this frustration. A toddler suffers this when he wants to zip his coat “by myself” and cannot quite get the teeth to line up. College graduates go through this, when after years of preparation and study, they cannot find employment in their chosen field. Or when despite our best intentions, we are unable to heal a broken relationship. The disappointment in ourselves when we fail to follow a well-prepared budget or maintain our thoughtful Lenten promises. How quickly can you list these sorts of moments from your life? Mine came together with little effort.

Confession? I am not only prone to frustration, discouragement, and anger; I often find myself in despair. I am a perfectionist and thus expect perfect results every time I take on a task. However, typically life is anything but perfect or predictable. I can be critical and quick to judge people and situations. My critical and discerning mind is a fantastic gift when making financial decisions, evaluating a project, or deciding on blog content, but it has very little use in relationships. Our spouses, children, friends, coworkers, and others deserve the gifts of patience, love, kindness, understanding, and mercy. 

Do you know who else deserves these gifts? Each one of us. Unfortunately, the person I place the most unrealistic expectations on is me, and this action negatively impacts my relationship with God. I demand perfection of myself to be worthy of His love and mercy. Then, not surprisingly, I fall short of that bar, lose hope, and tip into despair. Like my little spider friend, I work feverishly to do good, develop an action plan to correct a fault, and search out the right book to help me do it “by myself.” The typical result – a mess. Where did I go wrong? How did I make such a mess of the situation? I can tell you exactly where I went wrong. I forgot to ask for help. I did not take the problem to prayer and ask God what His will might be in this circumstance. I did not ask my family or friends to support me in the journey; instead, I withdrew and tried to carry the burden alone. Now what? How do I get out of this mess?

Venerable Bruno Lanteri provides advice for those of us experiencing discouragement, “…if you should fall,…with humility and courage, rise immediately and begin again.” Eventually, I rise and begin again, but I am slow to action. I struggle to remember His gracious mercy, loving guidance, and gentle encouragement. Thankfully, He has placed faithful companions in my life that encourage me to return to God in prayer, seek His mercy in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and offer their hand to help me get up and begin again. When I give God my mess, He provides the opportunity for me to heal, to grow, and to love deeper. I am learning to invite Him into my struggles and trust Him. He is teaching me to be merciful to myself and others. He is providing me the opportunities to be vulnerable and ask for help. Out of my mess, He creates beauty. 

In contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

St. Paul to the Galatians (5:22-23)

God created us to love, to show compassion, and to be merciful. When we live in His Spirit as intended, we can experience beautiful results. In his letter to the Galatians (5:22), St. Paul tells us that when we live in the Spirit, the fruits we bear are “…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Deep down, I want to produce these fruits and share them with the world. However, God also gave me free will and some unique personality traits that sometimes get in the way of what my heart desires. It will be a journey for me to learn to live as He created me to be, His beloved and chosen daughter, and to use my gifts and talents as He planned. However, if I am willing to let Him bring forth beauty out of my messes, I will get there. What struggle can you invite God into today? Are you frustrated, discouraged, or have you lost hope? Can you let God make your mess beautiful? Take a deep breath, seek Him, and begin again – right now.

Trust in the Timing

Let your soul rest, be still, and trust.

As I sit down to write today, it is snowing out. The trees are bowing, heavy with the ice and snow that have accumulated on their branches. Each branch is beautifully flocked in white. The cardinals are busy filling their bellies at our feeders. They appear even more vibrant against their new backdrop. Further out in the yard rests my garden, also covered in the newly fallen snow. I feel like it was just yesterday I was marveling at the bountiful harvest of tomatoes, green beans, and jalapenos. Today, it is barren, cold, and lifeless; and I long for spring. I yearn to till the soil, plant the seeds, and watch in wonder as the delicate, little shoots become sturdy, bountiful plants. At this moment, I remember the words written in chapter three of Ecclesiastes. 

There is an appointed time for everything,

and a time for every affair under the heavens.

A time to give birth, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.

A time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to tear down, and a time to build.

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them;

a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.

A time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away.

A time to rend, and a time to sew;

a time to be silent, and a time to speak.

A time to love, and a time to hate;

a time of war, and a time of peace.

These beautiful words speak about more than just the seasons of the year or the condition of my garden. These words bring wisdom to our journey through the seasons of life. 

Summer. The season of bounty, lazy days on the patio, and BBQ feasts with friends and family. You can almost smell the fresh-cut lawn, see the colorful array of flowers blooming in the garden, and feel the warmth of the sun on your face. Almost by reflex, I breathe deep, drawing in the memories and the joy. There are seasons in our lives that are filled with joy as well. The most intense times of joy in my life are those I have shared with my family and friends. I smile as I reminisce on the celebrations of weddings, births, and milestones in the lives of our boys. I cherish the gift of each of these moments. In my heart, I want to live in the season of joy, always. I want endless summer days. However, each of us is old enough to know that this isn’t how the seasons, much less our lives, work.

For those of us in the northern midwest, summer quickly transitions to winter. One day we are basking in the sun, and the next, we are shoveling six inches of snow. Many times, life makes that same “turn on a dime” motion, and we find our lives uprooted. Times of darkness and grief, mourning and weeping, and isolation and confusion can flip our lives upside down. The death of a cherished friend or family member, personal illness, hurt caused by a friend, divorce, or job loss can all cause us to feel abandoned and alone. Personally, I am not a fan of these seasons in my life. I want to put on my stoic face, push through the ugly, place the pain in a box, and get back to joy! However, it clearly states in Ecclesiastes that there is a time for such seasons in our lives. A time to die, a time to break down, a time to weep, a time to rend, and a time to lose. What are we to make of a God who tells us that times such as these are necessary? 

This winter, a young man I loved like a son passed away, and I miss him. The loss has been painful, and the tears shed too numerous to count. At times, I struggle to understand the goodness of God’s plan in all of the heartache. Before passing, he said, “Something good will come of this.” Let that rest on your heart, and recognize the deep trust this young man had in God. He trusted in God’s plan and knew this sadness and separation would only be for a season.

That is our challenge, to keep reading, to keep trusting, to keep going. God continues to remind us in this scripture passage that there is also a time to laugh, a time build up, a time to heal, and a time to dance. Joy returns, just like the dawn of a new day or the triumphant arrival of summer, joy returns. And through God’s love and grace, we are better because of the winter. We are more loving, more patient, more kind, more aware of the gifts that bring joy, more conscious of what matters most and what matters least. In a way, we too are allowed to sprout again and bear an abundance of fruit. 

Take some time and return to Ecclesiastes. Read the lines slowly, don’t get caught up in the cadence and rhythm of the verses. Now, be honest, what season is your heart experiencing right now? If it’s winter, that’s okay. God has a plan. Let your soul rest, be still, and trust. God has you right where He wants you. Perhaps He has freedom planned for you, healing of your wounds, or a new perspective to give you. Out of the cold, dark winter, God will renew and restore you. God will bring new life. Be patient and trust.

Do you need one more reminder? I sometimes do. The prophet Jeremiah (29:11) says, “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—oracle of the LORD—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope.” 

He’s got you.

He Chooses You

He sees who you are today and loves you. He also sees who you can become and desires to accompany you on the journey.

Close your eyes and picture that friend, you know, the one who sees you and hears you. Remember the last time you saw them and the joy that filled your heart. Together you can freely share who you are, where you have been, and where you want to go. They know your skeletons, your successes, and your dreams, and still, they love you and choose you. You desire only the best for each other and genuinely want the other to become the best person possible. Now, thank God for the gift of this friend! This type of friendship, according to Aristotle, is rare and can be referred to as “another self.” I will wait, go ahead, be grateful. 

Aristotle describes two other kinds of friendships; they too are good and serve to better our lives. Utility friendships can be like those found with our coworkers. Those labeled pleasurable friendships typically form during a fun activity or shared interest, like a bowling buddy. Although sometimes short-lived, these friendships do have the potential to grow in depth. Regardless, they are critical to our economy and human development.

Today, the levels of friendship seem blurred by social media and technology. Our lives are full of “friends” that seemingly share in our most intimate moments but are not all that close to us. The Circle of Support illustrates the different levels of relationships we have in our lives. Over the years, I have had difficulty navigating friendships; knowing what level of intimacy each relationship occupied tripped me up time and time again. I expected too much from those in the outer circles and did not trust those in the innermost circle. Those within the “Circle of Intimacy”, St. Ambrose would describe, “As a loving companion with whom one is intimately united even to the fusing of souls and forming one heart. We abandon ourselves confidently to our friends as one would another self.”

This intimate companionship is rare because it is selfless, disciplined, and rooted in the virtue of love. It is the ultimate fulfillment of the purpose of friendship and perhaps of our humanity. These sorts of relationships seek what is best for the other and are willing to sacrifice to allow the other to grow. The good news is when we nurture this sort of friendship, it can last a lifetime. 

Despite its rarity, this level of companionship is available to each one of us. There is a friend that is not only fused with our souls — He is the one who breathes life itself into our souls. The Holy Spirit is the friend who provides counsel to guide us in our decision making, the nudges we need to spur us into action, and the fruits and gifts we need to live life more fully. He is the friend our soul yearns to know. Our challenge is to listen for His voice, to trust it, and then to act. 

In 1 Kings 19:11-13, Elijah does not find God’s voice in the earthquake, the strong wind, or the fire. He hears God in the light, silent sound. How much silence do you have in your day to discern what the Holy Spirit has to say? Are you intentional at setting time aside to listen for His prompting, His guidance, His voice? This level of active listening takes practice and an act of trust! How do you know it is the Holy Spirit speaking? I think this is different for everyone because He gently whispers in a language each of our hearts understands. For some, they feel a sense of peace when making a big life decision, even when it seems counterintuitive. For others, they feel energized to step outside of their comfort zone and have a difficult conversation with a loved one. For me, it is a moment of clarity and strength that I know does not come from me. It comes from Him as a gift to make a difference in my life or the life of another. Once you start hearing your new friend, you need to trust Him enough to say yes, and be moved to action.

That simple word, yes, can be scary! Remember the yes Mary gave to God through the Angel Gabriel? In my own life, this yes has been demonstrated in a variety of ways. A smaller yes example includes listening to the nudge to call a friend at just the right moment. However, we should also be ready for those big moments we are called to action by the Holy Spirit. His promptings have resulted in me leaving my job, starting this blog, and speaking about my faith journey to more than 100 conference attendees. Fear not! The Holy Spirit does not ask without providing all you will need to accomplish what He asks. Each time He spurs me to action, He supplies gifts such as fortitude and wisdom to help me along the way. Of the many fruits available, I find He routinely gives me the love, patience, and peace necessary to be faithful to my yes. He is ready and willing to provide all you need to grow in holiness, love, and trust.

Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter; whoever finds one finds a treasure.

Faithful friends are beyond price, no amount can balance their worth.

Faithful friends are life-saving medicine; those who fear God will find them.

Sirach 6: 14-16

If ever your friends on earth disappoint you, remember your love for them, be quick to forgive, and begin again. Do not squander the gift. Also, remember you have another friend cheering you on, breathing life and love into your soul. The Holy Spirit is that friend, and He chooses you. He sees who you are today and loves you. He also sees who you can become and desires to accompany you on the journey. He is the one whispering, “I believe in you.” As this new year begins, may each of you nurture true friendship with the Holy Spirit, for He is selfless in His love for you. He is ready to be your sturdy shelter, your life-saving medicine (Sirach 6:13,16). Will you say yes?

Humble Beginnings

As humble as the beginnings were for these organizations, there is one who had an even more humble beginning – Jesus.

Garages. Some are attached, and others are set a distance from the house. Some are single-car, and yet others have three stalls. My garage is typically a disaster! It becomes the place where sporting equipment airs out, the yard and garden tools lay in a pile, and random hunting paraphernalia dries out and waits for the next outing. Oh, and yes, it shelters one car. Honestly, it drives me crazy! I can’t keep it clean, and I am grateful I can shut the door on it! Out of sight, out of mind. I’ve assumed this is how everyone’s garage functioned, but I learned that is not the case. I am slightly jealous of those people who can host a graduation party out of their garage or foster a hobby. And yet, others accomplish even more out of their garage.

We are familiar with the famed story of how Apple Inc. had its humble beginnings in the garage. Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak transformed the world with their ingenuity and drive. I am sure numerous businesses have started in much of the same way, and like Apple, have enjoyed enormous financial success. All of us might be willing to clean out our garages if becoming a billionaire was in our future, but would we clean it out to love our neighbors that are less fortunate than us?

In the past year, I have discovered two organizations that found their beginnings in a garage. You will not find either of these organizations on the S&P 500, nor will they make headlines with their next fancy invention. Some might describe their work as community-minded, good citizenship, or social justice, and they would all be correct. However, St. Paul may describe this as “faith working through love” Galatians 5:6. What each of these organizations does is make the world a better place by loving their neighbor.

The North American Squirrel Association (n.a.s.a.) made space in a garage to serve disabled members of their community. Veterans, cancer patients, those affected by autism, and the elderly are just a few of our brothers and sisters that this organization serves. They make it possible for those with limitations to enjoy hiking, skiing, hunting, fishing, water skiing, and biking. They make it possible for everyone to experience the beauty of God’s creation. On a recent hike with a volunteer, I asked him why he spent so much time volunteering. As he gently touched his heart, he said, “Love, I do it out of love.”

Another group that started making a difference out of a garage is theExchange. Their slogan, “furnishing homes with a little help from our friends,” clearly sums up their mission in helping those who are transitioning to stable housing from poverty, abuse, or homelessness. What started with four women, a garage, and a truck has transformed into a stand-alone building, dozens of volunteers, a board of directors, and has furnished over 1,000 family homes. Again, an act of loving and caring for our brothers and sisters in need. When asked why, “to do worthwhile work” was the answer. These organizations didn’t just make space in their garages; they carved out space in their hearts for those in need. 

As humble as the beginnings were for these organizations, there is one who had an even more humble beginning – Jesus. We all know there was no room in the inn for him and his family, so in a manger is where he gets his start. This space was crowded with animals, probably quite messy and a bit smelly. He comes anyway. He comes as love itself. He comes to heal us and to save us. 

Is there room in your heart

Is there room in your heart

Is there room in your heart

For God to write His story

You can come as you are

But it may set you apart

When you make room in your heart

And trade your dreams for His glory

Casting Crowns

When I consider the work my garage would need to free up the space for these sorts of endeavors, I feel overwhelmed, but more important than my garage is my heart. For Jesus to do His work, we have to make space in our hearts. He needs a pathway to enter. Casting Crowns asks us just that question with this beautiful song, Make Room. This Advent, I need to clean up a bit so I can let my faith work through love. What needs to go? My clutter includes pride, fear, doubt, and despair. I want to rid my heart of them and have Jesus replace them with humility, peace, trust, and hope. In love, I want to see the good and do good. I want to bring glory to God through all of my work. 

How do we make room for Jesus? How do we get rid of the “stuff” that takes up the space in our hearts that Jesus wants? By placing Him first. Again, for me, it is taking the time to encounter Him in silent prayer, participating in Mass with my faith community, and seeking His mercy in the sacrament of reconciliation. Maybe find an organization that is loving those less fortunate and offer, out of charity, your time, talent, or treasure. If you are taking the first steps to making room, start slow. He only needs a tiny crack to bring His light and love to you this Advent season. 

This Advent, may you make room in your heart.

To Walk in Love

God never intended us to walk this earth alone.

Accompaniment. A word that is not only a mouth full to say, but quite challenging to define. In my attempt to capture what it means to accompany another, I’ve been journeying backward through my life’s experiences to identify my first memory of someone accompanying me. Strangely, it was 23 years ago, exactly half my lifetime. My best friend since kindergarten died unexpectedly, and my dad attended her funeral with me. I will never forget the moment he reached over to hold my hand during Mass and how he physically supported me during her graveside service. Looking back, he too was hurting over her death, but found the strength to be vulnerable, to step out of his comfort zone, and to accompany me. Those moments changed our relationship. We had always been close, but on that day, his willingness to share a silent and profound expression of love brought us closer. It allowed us to be more willing to say I love you and share a hug.

As with my dad, many times, we are called to accompany as a result of our vocation. On my wedding day, I vowed to be my husband’s companion in good times and in bad, and in sickness and health. On that day, I’m not sure I completely understood how living those vows would look, but today it is much clearer. Together, we have celebrated the birth of our boys, struggled through those early years of parenting, and grieved the loss of parents and friends. Currently, we are surviving teenagers, navigating the journey to becoming empty nesters, and learning at every turn what it means to accompany one another. As a mother, I am a companion to our sons. Guiding, teaching, correcting, and loving them. As they mature, I am learning that they are on their path, and I am only there to provide light and love. I can’t protect them from the pain of disappointment, the academic struggles, or the hurt of broken relationships; because if I do, they won’t experience the joy of seeing how their hard work pays off, the excitement of meeting new friends, and the lessons learned from their mistakes. As a wife and mother, I’m in it for the long haul, a lifetime of accompaniment.

Others choose professions that allow them to spend their lifetime accompanying others, but for shorter periods. Nurses, teachers, and therapists come to mind as people who come in and out of our life, but walk with us when we are most in need. I smile as I think of the dedicated teachers that have touched the lives of our boys. These men and women didn’t just teach them to read, write, and master long division; they dried tears, bandaged knees, listened to their stories, helped us teach them to pray, and so much more. They stood alongside each of them for one year and then let them go so they could grow.

Regardless of our vocation or occupation, we are all given opportunities to accompany others and to allow others to journey with us. God never intended us to walk this earth alone. When Jesus sent his disciples out into the world to preach the good news, “He summoned the Twelve and began to send them out two by two…” (Mark 6:7). We are to be in relationships with one another and with Him. My companions include a devoted spouse, six supportive siblings and their families, and a beautiful bouquet of friends that have loved me through my life’s journey. The hard part for me is to set aside my pride and accept their help and love. To let them help carry the burdens and celebrate the joyful moments. It is also important to remember that God not only gives us one another but promises that He will always be with us, “And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20). He also provides us with the Holy Spirit, “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate to be with you always, the Spirit of truth…” (John 14:16-17). By cultivating our relationship with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, we never walk alone. Who has God put in your life to walk with you? Have you let a streak of independence prevent those who love you to provide support? Has your pride prevented you from seeking God’s companionship?

So, the question remains, what is accompaniment? In my heart, it is the conscious choice to walk with others in love. To weather the storm or stand in the fire. To offer words of encouragement, to sit in silence and listen, to hold the space while they shed their tears of joy, sadness, or fear. Rarely do we need anyone to solve our problems or take our journey for us, but we desperately need to know we are not alone. At times, it is hard to find the patience, love, and strength to accompany those we love during the difficult times of their lives. Where do we find these virtues? Take a few moments to close your eyes and stand at the foot of the Cross with Mary Magdelene. Reflect on how she journeyed with Christ during his ministry. Recall how she stood by him through His passion and death. Recognize the depth of their friendship. She found her strength, her patience, and her love in Jesus, and so can we. He is the source of these gifts. Whether the walk is long and arduous or short and fun, let God and others accompany you. Let them share Christ’s love, patience, and strength with you. Who will you let accompany you? Who needs you to walk with them in love?

A Walk in the Garden

The opportunity to have such a close friendship with God captures my heart and fills it with joy.

I love this time of year. The leaves changing colors and the cooling temperatures bring me a sense of peace. While on a walk the other day, the evening breeze cooled my cheeks and rustled the fallen leaves at my feet. It reminded me of a short passage from Genesis 3:8 in which Adam and Eve hear God walking in the garden at the breezy time of the day (the evening). This image sparked a myriad of questions in my mind. Did He often walk in the garden, and did Adam and Eve usually join Him? Did they share their day with God, and did he share his with them? The opportunity to have such a close friendship with God captures my heart and fills it with joy. So, why do Adam and Eve hide from God as he approaches? They hide because they believed the lies of the serpent and have sinned; they chose to turn away from God and his love. However, like any good father, God doesn’t just give up and walk away; He has some questions.

God asks Adam, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:8) Then He asks, “Who told you that you were naked?” (Genesis 3:9) The gig is up, Adam knows, that God knows, they ate from the one tree they were forbidden to eat. Those two questions have been circling in my head. However, in my prayer, God puts a little bit of a spin on them. He asks, “Who told you that you weren’t good enough? Who told you that you weren’t worthy?” The gig is up — He knows I’ve been listening to lies. In his infinite patience, He waits for me to answer. In the meantime, He gently reminds me that it wasn’t Him who told me those lies. 

So, who tells me those lies? The sources of these untruths are innumerable. At times, my own voice can be the one I hear saying I will never be a good enough mom, wife, or friend. There is even some doubt I will ever be good enough for God to love me because of my faults. The voice that speaks those lies can drown out God’s voice of love, truth, and mercy. It is a constant battle for me to discern truth from lies. Admittedly, I get easily discouraged and lose hope that I’ll ever win the war. Hopelessness is the perfect condition for the lies to grow, multiply, and take hold. What lies do you hear? Who is speaking those lies to you?

Sometimes, we receive a wake-up call of sorts. We hear those same lies voiced by someone we love. Maybe your spouse is discouraged with their career path, or your daughter feels like her dreams won’t happen because she is not enough, or a friend is struggling with her resilience in dealing with a habitual sin. Whatever the situation, it is painful to hear someone you love think so little of themselves. I imagine that is how God feels every time I believe the lies about me over His truth. Perhaps we all know someone for whom we can speak God’s love, mercy, and truth to when they are feeling unworthy, afraid, alone, discouraged, or wounded. I will be that voice for my sons, my husband, my family, and my friends. Will you be that voice of truth for someone you love? Will you listen to the voices of truth in your life?

“Truly, the LORD

is waiting to be

gracious to you, truly,

he shall rise

to show you mercy.”

Isaiah 30:18

When I fall into hopelessness or begin to doubt I will ever overcome my failings, I can be like Adam and Eve and try to hide from God. I’m falling for the lie that God’s mercy and love are not for me. I am afraid to share the broken parts of me for fear of losing His love, being unworthy of His love, or not doing enough to earn His love. I have forgotten that God already knows all of me. Psalm 139: 1-3 states, “O Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away. You search out my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.” And just in case I have any remaining doubts about His willingness to be merciful, Isaiah 30:18 reminds me, “Truly, the LORD is waiting to be gracious to you, truly, he shall rise to show you mercy.” When I have mustered the courage to come out of hiding, I have found peace, encouragement, and mercy. He delights in all of me, desires to speak His truth to me, and to heal me through the sacrament of reconciliation and prayer.

We need to come out of hiding, but how? For me, that means I am going to choose hope for myself and those I love. It means actively choosing to love, unconditionally, the people God has placed in my life and to receive their love. Finally, it means seeking and accepting the love and mercy that God offers me in His sacraments. I deserve nothing less, and neither do you! I am going to freely walk with God, in the garden, during the breezy time of the day. I’m going to deepen my friendship with Him. Will you join me?

The Poem

Beautifully crafted and bravely shared, these words have encouraged and challenged me to make changes in my life.

There is a poem downtown, stamped into the sidewalk. Every time I run by it, I pause. The words are few, but they have deeply impacted my heart.

Feet carry your body.

Your soul carries

your heart.

Running will never

escape the pain.

It will follow

collect its dues

and persist until

the truth is faced.

Skylar

I do not know Skylar – we have never met. I do not know if Skylar is a man or woman, a student or a full-time poet, young or old;  I am in the dark about Skylar. What I do know is this poem has sparked numerous prayer conversations with God. Tough conversations and simple ones as well.

Simple prayers include praise for these feet and legs that allow my body to run, to care for itself physically, to carry me places that bring beauty to my eyes, sounds to my ears, and joy to my heart. The act of running can free my mind and refresh my soul. It lifts the fog, giving me the ability to see situations more clearly and allows me to work through difficult events of the past or ones coming on the horizon. My daily run provides me an opportunity to pray. Running has been a gift to me over the years. It has also been a physical curse – injury, ill-fitting shoes, overuse, and pain. Additionally, I’ve used it to escape – to avoid leaning into complicated situations – to run away.

Avoidance, this is where the rest of the poem picks up, “Running will never escape the pain. It will follow.” This fact exists for any activity we participate in to avoid pain – to numb – TV watching, social media, alcohol, work/being busy, exercise, overeating. The list is extensive, and perhaps the numbing agent each of us uses is as unique as we are as individuals. Myself? It depends on the situation, and honestly, I have struggled with many of these over the years. I am a serial user. I work hard to overcome one vice, only to pick up another one in its place. Some may enjoy a couple of numbing habits simultaneously. They enjoy snacking while consuming alcohol or snacking while watching television. Regardless of the method, the result is the same. The numbing successfully avoids the pain, the anxiety, or the situation. In and of themselves, these activities can be benign; it is when they become the way to cope that trouble starts.

This method of coping worked well for me; that is, until my niece introduced me to Dr. Brene` Brown and her work with vulnerability. Dr. Brown has some powerful TED Talks available on YouTube related to guilt, shame, and numbing. These short videos, along with several of her books, have made a powerful impact on how I choose to live each day. Perhaps the most startling truth she exposed, “You can’t just numb the negative emotions of fear, shame, and unworthiness. You numb all your emotions, including joy and happiness.” Yes, you read that correctly, you numb it all. If I wanted to live with joy and happiness, I had to stop numbing the anxiety. The only fix to end the numbing? Stop running, face the truth, and lean in. Take the time to find what is causing your pain or burdening your soul. If we don’t take these steps, “It will follow, collect its dues, and persist.” The only way to shake the shadows of the shame, fear, and lies of unworthiness is to be vulnerable. I had to start engaging, having those difficult conversations, making changes in my work and my relationships, turning to prayer, and setting the boundaries necessary for me to live.

Now is the point in time when the conversations with God got a bit rough, a lot raw, and downright exhausting. I thank God daily for a cohort of friends that have supported me in learning to lean in and setting boundaries, a spouse that has encouraged me to make changes in my life to help me be the best version of myself, and the gift of my faith that Jesus will choose me and help to make me whole. Slowly, but assuredly, I am finding freedom from numbing. In new ways, I am living in joy, and as the person I am meant to be.

There are times I run by Skylar’s poem, and tears fill my eyes when I realize the amount of work I have left to do. Other times they are tears of gratitude for these 28 words. Beautifully crafted and bravely shared, these words have encouraged and challenged me to make changes in my life. No longer do I run to escape, to punish, or to numb. I run to live, to experience, to thrive. To be free.

Letting Go and Loving

From love, we can see ourselves as human, imperfect, and beautiful. From love, we can cut everyone, including ourselves, a little slack.

A friend recently asked me how my Sunday night anxiety was going? I paused and smiled. I realized it was gone, and for the first time in decades, I can sleep all night! What is Sunday night anxiety? It goes a little something like this… 

The clock. There it is telling me it is way too early to be awake, yet there I am, wide awake and worried. It robs me of my precious sleep and my inner peace. The anticipation of the week ahead puts my brain into action. How will we get to all of our activities, find time to make meals, spend time with friends and family, pay the bills, clean the house, grocery shop, volunteer, and attend meetings? The downward spiral accelerates into the rabbit hole of exhaustion. Always so much to do. And before you know it, it is time to get up and start the race.

Sound familiar? This course of living is unsustainable, and truth be told, it is not living. It is surviving. Barely. For me, this way of life ceased to be survivable. Something had to change. 

Two gifts came into my life about the time when I realized I could not keep all the plates spinning. The first gift I received was a skilled therapist. She provided me simple tools to encourage healthy sleep. One game-changer – get rid of that clock! The adjustments she recommended began to significantly improve my sleep patterns and the amount of rest I received each night. I will be forever grateful for the explanation of sleep drive and how I was ruining it with my cat naps. I am sure I have the graphs somewhere around the house if you want a quick lesson!

The other gift? Eucharistic Adoration. My weekly hour spent with Jesus was the first time that I sat, uninterrupted, meditating on His words and His love. During my hour with Jesus, I try and focus on a short scripture passage in an attempt to discern what I can learn, receive, and apply to my life.

Recently, I’ve been captivated by Luke 10:38-42. In this gospel passage, Martha is busying herself to prepare a meal for Jesus while her sister Mary sits at his feet. Mary is listening to him speak, receiving his love and goodness. Martha complains to Jesus, telling him to make Mary help her. Jesus responds, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.” I love this passage because I can see myself in both Martha and Mary. Martha is doing good, preparing a meal for her guests. She’s anxious about the meal timing, preparing and cooking the meal, setting the table, tidying up the house, and trying to make sure all her guests feel welcomed. I would be so irritated if my sister were sitting there, not helping! And yet, it is Mary who I aspire to be. Her ability to be present to our Lord, surrender her worry, and her desire to receive his love – Beautiful. She is teaching me to leave my burdens at His feet. If Mary were here today, I think the song, Nothing Else by Cody Carnes would fully express her heart. She is caught up in a Holy Moment.

I’m caught up in Your presence 

I just want to sit here at Your feet 

I’m caught up in this holy moment 

I never want to leave

Cody Carnes, Nothing Else

When we get caught up in a Holy Moment, we can start to let go of worry and begin to live in love. We can experience these Holy Moments with those around us. In his book, The Biggest Lie in Christianity, Matthew Kelly challenges us to make Holy Moments every day. When I read his book, I struggled to find these opportunities until I applied the love I found in Jesus. The occasions for Holy Moments might look a little like these examples, but the possibilities are endless. Perhaps we leave our cell phone in the car on date night, or we make sure we have dinner with our spouse and kids at least one night a week. Maybe you have a hobby or passion you can share with a child. Perhaps we listen and cry with a friend when they share how the weight of the world is crushing them. What if we treated every human interaction as a Holy Moment? We can do this by being present and bringing our love.

In the end, what does worry accomplish? Look back over the last month, this past week, or just today and reflect on the issues that have caused you to worry. How did the worry change the situation? What does the anxiety cost you? Sleep? Your health? Productivity at work? If agonizing about these situations does not change them, what can? Mary has the answer for us. The love of Jesus. Our love. Love is the driving force of change. From love, we can find patience for our children and ease their anxiety and stress. From love, we can begin to see our to-do list as actions of love for the people and organizations we care for, not items to check off. From love, we can see ourselves as human, imperfect, and beautiful. From love, we can cut everyone, including ourselves, a little slack. What is God asking you to let go of so you too can live in love?

This New Soul

Although time-consuming and tedious, the act of restoring love, acceptance, gratitude, and patience not only for ourselves, but for those who walk through life with us is worth every ounce of our energy.

Who remembers the PBS show, This Old House? This show launched an entire genre in the entertainment industry for home improvement television. The host, Norm Abram, was meticulous, knowledgeable, and enthusiastic about sharing his talent for restoring old homes to their original beauty. Wikipedia describes Norm Abram as a master carpenter. He always did his research, he was not afraid to get his hands dirty, and each project was a labor of love. A little closer to home, my friend Sandy and her husband took on the respectful renovation of their turn of the century Victorian home. A project that took them 20 years to finish. Each time I drive by their home, I am amazed at their patience, skill, and devotion to such an enormous undertaking. It reminds me of another master carpenter that seeks to restore something more precious than a home. He desires to restore my soul. Jesus, the master carpenter, wants to help us in our respectful renovation – from the inside out.

In green pastures

he makes me lie down;

to still waters

he leads me;

he restores my soul.

Psalm 23: 2-3

As the pinnacle of creation, God made us in His likeness and image. Each of us has a beauty and a goodness that longs to shine. Unfortunately, life circumstances, past hurts, sin, and exhaustion can tarnish that beauty and dull the goodness. Psalm 23 v 2-3, states it is in green pastures and beside still waters that God restores our souls. These verses elicit images of rest, calm, and peace. If I use my imagination, I can smell the fresh air, hear the gentle flow of the creek, and feel the presence of Jesus. In this situation, I am choosing to rest in the Lord, to let Him gently renew my spirit, and recharge my battery. However, the true definition of restore is a much more active process. Mirriam Webster defines the word restore as – to bring back to or put back into a former or original state. Synonyms include: remodel, renovate, and repair.

Often the process of restoration involves destruction. Sandy described the fun in wielding hammers and mauls to tear out old plaster and lath walls. This demolition exposed old electrical wiring and a heating/cooling system that needed updating. Sometimes restoring our souls can happen in much of the same way. The walls must come down that keep us from letting the good into our lives. As these barriers come down, the lies that need replacing with truth are exposed. This process can give us the freedom to be ourselves for the first time in our lives. Instead of walls and barriers, we need proper boundaries, with gates. Gates that let the good in and the bad out. What walls can you replace with good boundaries and a sturdy gate? An excellent resource and guide for building these sorts of boundaries is: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

Other times, the restoration of our souls requires a bit more patience, gentleness, and time. Perhaps a specific relationship in your life or particular vice or sin needs the undivided attention of you and Jesus. We do not live in a vacuum, and therefore, our efforts affect the lives of those we love. These changes require us to use the delicate tools of prayer and love to make small, lasting changes. Instead of hammers and mauls, we use tiny picks and brushes to remove the layers of paint and grime caught up in the intricate parts of our lives. Although time-consuming and tedious, the act of restoring love, acceptance, gratitude, and patience for ourselves and in our relationships is worth every ounce of our energy. Who in your life deserves this gift? You, your spouse, a parent, a friend, a child?

Finally, restoration can be exhausting. Life can be exhausting. Luckily, God built in a beautiful space for our souls to restore. It is called Sunday. God rested on the Sabbath, why don’t we? I know this is almost impossible to consider, but try spending some time this week rearranging your schedule to free up your Sunday. I will concede there is work that is required regardless of the day, but just be sure you are not creating the excuse, “I have to do this” when with a little creativity, the task can move to another day. Experience this extraordinary gift. Use Sunday to refill your tank for the week. Visit family and friends, spend some time enjoying the outdoors, read a book, or host a Sunday potluck dinner. Ignore the laundry, yard work, and cleaning. Go to church. Take a nap. Monday comes soon enough.

Whatever part of your soul needs restoring, Jesus is there waiting to begin the work. He is patient, meticulous, and eager to get started. His tools include promptings from the Holy Spirit, honest friends to accompany you on the journey, perhaps a therapist or spiritual director, Sacred Scripture, the grace available in the sacraments, and most importantly, His love. Do not hesitate to use them all to let your beauty and goodness shine. Be assured, this process is not a fresh coat of paint to clean things up. It is the old, made new.

A special thank you to Sandy for sharing her insights and experience in the restoration of their home. The gift of her time and words were invaluable.

The Story in the Storm

This is our moment of choice; will we take hold of Jesus’ outstretched hand?

It was a typical hot and humid summer day. We headed out on the boat for an evening of family fun, fishing. It was no small task preparing the boat, the gear, the snacks and the extra clothes for the toddlers. It was all worth it when our oldest catches the first fish! While we celebrate, the gentle breeze picks up its intensity, the beautiful blue sky darkens to the north, and lightning flashes in the distance. Soon it is joined by low rumbles of thunder. We conclude the storm is going north and proceed to enjoy our evening; we had put in so much effort, and the fishing was bountiful. Before long, we were proven wrong, and the storm was upon us. We felt the electricity in the air, and the river became rough. Panic set in. We rushed to secure the gear, situate the boys and get ourselves safely back to shore.

In the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 14 verse 24, Jesus is on the shore. Peter is in a boat with the other disciples, and they are in distress. Jesus, their teacher, their friend, their Messiah walks out on the water to rescue them. However, their first reaction to His help is fear. Peter demands proof. “If it is you, Lord, command me to come to you on the water.” Jesus complies and calls to Peter, “Come.” Imagine Peter, stepping out of the boat, trusting Jesus, and walking on water. Think of a time when Jesus has called you out of your boat, you trusted Him, and the reward was His smile! Maybe you followed His lead in a difficult conversation, took a new job requiring you to move across the country, or took the risk to share your conversion story with a room full of strangers. His smile of delight shines like the sun. It warms us to our very souls, makes us feel invincible; as if we could walk on water! These moments of great consolation, the times we know God’s love is real, are such gifts on our spiritual journey. Cherish these moments, write them on your heart. Praise God for allowing you to experience His real and Holy Presence.

When Peter caught a glimpse of the storm he panicked. My heart aches for Peter as he begins to sink; he desperately calls to Jesus, “Lord, save me!” How many times has this been me? Begging Jesus, maybe demanding Jesus to save me. What storms cause you to turn your head and take your eyes off Jesus? The death of a loved one, the loss of your job, marital discord or distance in a relationship with a friend? Whatever it is, doubt, fear, shame, or darkness start to set into our souls. We begin to feel inadequate, unworthy, or unloved. Thankfully, Peter’s story does not end there, and neither does ours.

What does Jesus do? Jesus immediately stretches out His hand and catches Peter. Jesus hasn’t taken His eyes off Peter, nor does He take his eyes off us. He’s waiting for us to turn our eyes back to Him so He can rescue us with His mercy and love. This is our moment of choice; will we take hold of Jesus’s outstretched hand? Will we turn to Him in prayer, in praise, in adoration? Will we replace our panic with prayer; choose to hope instead of despair? Follow our Faith instead of letting fear lead the way? Peter chooses to rely on Jesus and gets back into the boat. He is once again in His Holy Presence. It is from this place of safety, trust, and love that Jesus begins His real work with Peter.

After saving Peter, Jesus wants to talk about it. “Oh, you of little faith. Why did you doubt?” Jesus asks us the same question. “Why do you doubt?” We can ask the Holy Spirit to lead us through the storm and to provide us the wisdom, strength, and courage to press on. It’s also an opportunity to root out the temptation that causes us to take our eyes off Jesus. Perhaps, like me, a lack of trust allows you to think you’re in control. Maybe pride permits you to believe you are walking on water all by yourself. Whatever pulls your eyes off Jesus, take His hand, and follow Him to the sacraments for healing. We find His true and Holy Presence in the Eucharist and reconciliation, the grace we need to change our focus from the storm to Him. Through the sacraments, our faith will grow, our love of Him will grow, and our trust in Him will grow. He continues to write His story on our souls.

Storms will come. It’s up to us to choose to grab hold of Jesus’s hand or get swept up in the storm. Peter chose to take Jesus’s hand; will you?

This article was recently published in the magazine Catholic Life by the Diocese of La Crosse.