Beauty from the Mess

Spiders, snakes, and mice – just a few of the creatures I cannot figure out why God placed them on earth. They are all sneaky, some are dangerous, and some prefer to take up residence in my home; this is where I draw the line. Despite my dislike, one beautiful July morning, my heart was captivated by the display of tiny spider webs. There were hundreds of them, made by hundreds of baby spiders practicing their craft. Each silk creation was resting atop the blades of the freshly cut grass. Each one kissed, ever so gently, by the morning dew. Every one of them unique. Upon closer inspection, I noticed some of these young web spinners seemed to be professionals at lacing together an organized, symmetrical, and deadly web. Then, not 6 inches from this beautiful masterpiece, there lies what appears to be a ball of silk. I envision that little one working feverishly to create a web of equal beauty, but for some reason, his efforts result in a giant mess. If I were this young weaver, I would feel frustrated, discouraged, and angry. I would be ready to quit. 

How many times in our lives do we meticulously develop a plan and gracefully execute our said plan only to have it result in a giant mess? How disheartened we can feel when we expect a beautiful web and our best efforts result in a ball of webbing. Regardless of age, we all have experienced this frustration. A toddler suffers this when he wants to zip his coat “by myself” and cannot quite get the teeth to line up. College graduates go through this, when after years of preparation and study, they cannot find employment in their chosen field. Or when despite our best intentions, we are unable to heal a broken relationship. The disappointment in ourselves when we fail to follow a well-prepared budget or maintain our thoughtful Lenten promises. How quickly can you list these sorts of moments from your life? Mine came together with little effort.

Confession? I am not only prone to frustration, discouragement, and anger; I often find myself in despair. I am a perfectionist and thus expect perfect results every time I take on a task. However, typically life is anything but perfect or predictable. I can be critical and quick to judge people and situations. My critical and discerning mind is a fantastic gift when making financial decisions, evaluating a project, or deciding on blog content, but it has very little use in relationships. Our spouses, children, friends, coworkers, and others deserve the gifts of patience, love, kindness, understanding, and mercy. 

Do you know who else deserves these gifts? Each one of us. Unfortunately, the person I place the most unrealistic expectations on is me, and this action negatively impacts my relationship with God. I demand perfection of myself to be worthy of His love and mercy. Then, not surprisingly, I fall short of that bar, lose hope, and tip into despair. Like my little spider friend, I work feverishly to do good, develop an action plan to correct a fault, and search out the right book to help me do it “by myself.” The typical result – a mess. Where did I go wrong? How did I make such a mess of the situation? I can tell you exactly where I went wrong. I forgot to ask for help. I did not take the problem to prayer and ask God what His will might be in this circumstance. I did not ask my family or friends to support me in the journey; instead, I withdrew and tried to carry the burden alone. Now what? How do I get out of this mess?

Venerable Bruno Lanteri provides advice for those of us experiencing discouragement, “…if you should fall,…with humility and courage, rise immediately and begin again.” Eventually, I rise and begin again, but I am slow to action. I struggle to remember His gracious mercy, loving guidance, and gentle encouragement. Thankfully, He has placed faithful companions in my life that encourage me to return to God in prayer, seek His mercy in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and offer their hand to help me get up and begin again. When I give God my mess, He provides the opportunity for me to heal, to grow, and to love deeper. I am learning to invite Him into my struggles and trust Him. He is teaching me to be merciful to myself and others. He is providing me the opportunities to be vulnerable and ask for help. Out of my mess, He creates beauty. 

In contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

St. Paul to the Galatians (5:22-23)

God created us to love, to show compassion, and to be merciful. When we live in His Spirit as intended, we can experience beautiful results. In his letter to the Galatians (5:22), St. Paul tells us that when we live in the Spirit, the fruits we bear are “…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Deep down, I want to produce these fruits and share them with the world. However, God also gave me free will and some unique personality traits that sometimes get in the way of what my heart desires. It will be a journey for me to learn to live as He created me to be, His beloved and chosen daughter, and to use my gifts and talents as He planned. However, if I am willing to let Him bring forth beauty out of my messes, I will get there. What struggle can you invite God into today? Are you frustrated, discouraged, or have you lost hope? Can you let God make your mess beautiful? Take a deep breath, seek Him, and begin again – right now.