Letting Go and Loving

A friend recently asked me how my Sunday night anxiety was going? I paused and smiled. I realized it was gone, and for the first time in decades, I can sleep all night! What is Sunday night anxiety? It goes a little something like this… 

The clock. There it is telling me it is way too early to be awake, yet there I am, wide awake and worried. It robs me of my precious sleep and my inner peace. The anticipation of the week ahead puts my brain into action. How will we get to all of our activities, find time to make meals, spend time with friends and family, pay the bills, clean the house, grocery shop, volunteer, and attend meetings? The downward spiral accelerates into the rabbit hole of exhaustion. Always so much to do. And before you know it, it is time to get up and start the race.

Sound familiar? This course of living is unsustainable, and truth be told, it is not living. It is surviving. Barely. For me, this way of life ceased to be survivable. Something had to change. 

Two gifts came into my life about the time when I realized I could not keep all the plates spinning. The first gift I received was a skilled therapist. She provided me simple tools to encourage healthy sleep. One game-changer – get rid of that clock! The adjustments she recommended began to significantly improve my sleep patterns and the amount of rest I received each night. I will be forever grateful for the explanation of sleep drive and how I was ruining it with my cat naps. I am sure I have the graphs somewhere around the house if you want a quick lesson!

The other gift? Eucharistic Adoration. My weekly hour spent with Jesus was the first time that I sat, uninterrupted, meditating on His words and His love. During my hour with Jesus, I try and focus on a short scripture passage in an attempt to discern what I can learn, receive, and apply to my life.

Recently, I’ve been captivated by Luke 10:38-42. In this gospel passage, Martha is busying herself to prepare a meal for Jesus while her sister Mary sits at his feet. Mary is listening to him speak, receiving his love and goodness. Martha complains to Jesus, telling him to make Mary help her. Jesus responds, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.” I love this passage because I can see myself in both Martha and Mary. Martha is doing good, preparing a meal for her guests. She’s anxious about the meal timing, preparing and cooking the meal, setting the table, tidying up the house, and trying to make sure all her guests feel welcomed. I would be so irritated if my sister were sitting there, not helping! And yet, it is Mary who I aspire to be. Her ability to be present to our Lord, surrender her worry, and her desire to receive his love – Beautiful. She is teaching me to leave my burdens at His feet. If Mary were here today, I think the song, Nothing Else by Cody Carnes would fully express her heart. She is caught up in a Holy Moment.

I’m caught up in Your presence 

I just want to sit here at Your feet 

I’m caught up in this holy moment 

I never want to leave

Cody Carnes, Nothing Else

When we get caught up in a Holy Moment, we can start to let go of worry and begin to live in love. We can experience these Holy Moments with those around us. In his book, The Biggest Lie in Christianity, Matthew Kelly challenges us to make Holy Moments every day. When I read his book, I struggled to find these opportunities until I applied the love I found in Jesus. The occasions for Holy Moments might look a little like these examples, but the possibilities are endless. Perhaps we leave our cell phone in the car on date night, or we make sure we have dinner with our spouse and kids at least one night a week. Maybe you have a hobby or passion you can share with a child. Perhaps we listen and cry with a friend when they share how the weight of the world is crushing them. What if we treated every human interaction as a Holy Moment? We can do this by being present and bringing our love.

In the end, what does worry accomplish? Look back over the last month, this past week, or just today and reflect on the issues that have caused you to worry. How did the worry change the situation? What does the anxiety cost you? Sleep? Your health? Productivity at work? If agonizing about these situations does not change them, what can? Mary has the answer for us. The love of Jesus. Our love. Love is the driving force of change. From love, we can find patience for our children and ease their anxiety and stress. From love, we can begin to see our to-do list as actions of love for the people and organizations we care for, not items to check off. From love, we can see ourselves as human, imperfect, and beautiful. From love, we can cut everyone, including ourselves, a little slack. What is God asking you to let go of so you too can live in love?