Close your eyes and picture that friend, you know, the one who sees you and hears you. Remember the last time you saw them and the joy that filled your heart. Together you can freely share who you are, where you have been, and where you want to go. They know your skeletons, your successes, and your dreams, and still, they love you and choose you. You desire only the best for each other and genuinely want the other to become the best person possible. Now, thank God for the gift of this friend! This type of friendship, according to Aristotle, is rare and can be referred to as “another self.” I will wait, go ahead, be grateful.
Aristotle describes two other kinds of friendships; they too are good and serve to better our lives. Utility friendships can be like those found with our coworkers. Those labeled pleasurable friendships typically form during a fun activity or shared interest, like a bowling buddy. Although sometimes short-lived, these friendships do have the potential to grow in depth. Regardless, they are critical to our economy and human development.
Today, the levels of friendship seem blurred by social media and technology. Our lives are full of “friends” that seemingly share in our most intimate moments but are not all that close to us. The Circle of Support illustrates the different levels of relationships we have in our lives. Over the years, I have had difficulty navigating friendships; knowing what level of intimacy each relationship occupied tripped me up time and time again. I expected too much from those in the outer circles and did not trust those in the innermost circle. Those within the “Circle of Intimacy”, St. Ambrose would describe, “As a loving companion with whom one is intimately united even to the fusing of souls and forming one heart. We abandon ourselves confidently to our friends as one would another self.”
This intimate companionship is rare because it is selfless, disciplined, and rooted in the virtue of love. It is the ultimate fulfillment of the purpose of friendship and perhaps of our humanity. These sorts of relationships seek what is best for the other and are willing to sacrifice to allow the other to grow. The good news is when we nurture this sort of friendship, it can last a lifetime.
Despite its rarity, this level of companionship is available to each one of us. There is a friend that is not only fused with our souls — He is the one who breathes life itself into our souls. The Holy Spirit is the friend who provides counsel to guide us in our decision making, the nudges we need to spur us into action, and the fruits and gifts we need to live life more fully. He is the friend our soul yearns to know. Our challenge is to listen for His voice, to trust it, and then to act.
In 1 Kings 19:11-13, Elijah does not find God’s voice in the earthquake, the strong wind, or the fire. He hears God in the light, silent sound. How much silence do you have in your day to discern what the Holy Spirit has to say? Are you intentional at setting time aside to listen for His prompting, His guidance, His voice? This level of active listening takes practice and an act of trust! How do you know it is the Holy Spirit speaking? I think this is different for everyone because He gently whispers in a language each of our hearts understands. For some, they feel a sense of peace when making a big life decision, even when it seems counterintuitive. For others, they feel energized to step outside of their comfort zone and have a difficult conversation with a loved one. For me, it is a moment of clarity and strength that I know does not come from me. It comes from Him as a gift to make a difference in my life or the life of another. Once you start hearing your new friend, you need to trust Him enough to say yes, and be moved to action.
That simple word, yes, can be scary! Remember the yes Mary gave to God through the Angel Gabriel? In my own life, this yes has been demonstrated in a variety of ways. A smaller yes example includes listening to the nudge to call a friend at just the right moment. However, we should also be ready for those big moments we are called to action by the Holy Spirit. His promptings have resulted in me leaving my job, starting this blog, and speaking about my faith journey to more than 100 conference attendees. Fear not! The Holy Spirit does not ask without providing all you will need to accomplish what He asks. Each time He spurs me to action, He supplies gifts such as fortitude and wisdom to help me along the way. Of the many fruits available, I find He routinely gives me the love, patience, and peace necessary to be faithful to my yes. He is ready and willing to provide all you need to grow in holiness, love, and trust.
Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter; whoever finds one finds a treasure.
Faithful friends are beyond price, no amount can balance their worth.
Faithful friends are life-saving medicine; those who fear God will find them.
Sirach 6: 14-16
If ever your friends on earth disappoint you, remember your love for them, be quick to forgive, and begin again. Do not squander the gift. Also, remember you have another friend cheering you on, breathing life and love into your soul. The Holy Spirit is that friend, and He chooses you. He sees who you are today and loves you. He also sees who you can become and desires to accompany you on the journey. He is the one whispering, “I believe in you.” As this new year begins, may each of you nurture true friendship with the Holy Spirit, for He is selfless in His love for you. He is ready to be your sturdy shelter, your life-saving medicine (Sirach 6:13,16). Will you say yes?